TUMAWA NAMAN TAYO # 4

Joke No. 1.  >     

               Inaresto ng mga pulis ang asawa ni Inday sa kasong pagnanakaw.

               Inday    :   Asiong, mag-text ka sa akin kapag nakakulong ka na, ha !

               Asiong  :   Inday naman ... wala akong cellphone.

              Inday      :   Sinungaling !  At saan mo dinala yong na-i-snatch mong cellphone

                                 kahapon  sa Avenida ?

Joke No. 2.  >

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              Nagkita sa Escolta ang dating magkaibigan.

              Berto    :    Asiong, kumusta na ?

              Asiong  :   Eto, walang delihensya.  Mahina na kasi ang tuhod ko.

              Berto     :  Ibig mong sabihin eh retired ka na.  Bakit ano ba ang trabaho ?

              Asiong   :  Akyat-bahay, Pare.

Joke  No.  3   >

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              Isang snatcher ang isino-soli sa may-ari ang cellphone na ninakaw niya :

              Snatcher  :   Ma'am, nandito ako ngayon sa harapan ng tindahan ninyo.

                                  Iiwan ko na lang sa counter ang cellphone mo, ikaw na ang bahala.

              Inday       :   Ay, naku salamat. Bakit mo naman naisipan na isauli ang cellphone                   

                                  eh hindi ko na naman na-i-report yan sa pulisya.

              Snatcher   :   Ay naku ...ang daming tumatawag sa akin at naniningil ng pautang.

                                   Ayaw naman maniwala na hindi sa akin ang cellphone ...sumasakit na 

                                   tuloy ang ulo ko.

Joke  No.  3   >

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             Nanay     :   Walanghiya talaga ang asawa mo Inday.

             Inday       :   Bakit naman naman po Inay  ?

             Nanay      :   Kung hindi ba naman eh, sa isang linggo pa ako aalis pero

                                  iginayak na kaagad ang mga gamit ko.

Joke  No.  4.   >

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            Nag-aaway ang mag-asawa sa labas ng bahay habang nanood ang mga kapit-bahay

            Inday     :     Walanghiya, huwag ka nang uuwi ng bahay at lalasunin kita !

            Pedro     :     Talagang hindi na ako uuwi, Maghahanap na ako magandang asawa !
                                 Pangit ... hah ...hah ...hah

            Inday      :    Di bale na ...maghanap ka ng iba .. Wala nang papatol sa'yo
                                  SUPOTTTTTT....

           Pedro      :    (Parang napahiya)  'Day naman ...walang ganyanan


Joke  No. 5

          Kapitbahay  :   Inday, 'yong asaw mong si Pedro nasa bubong at magpapakamatay daw.
                                   May hawak na kutsilyo at maglalaslas daw siya ng leeg !!

          Inday           :   Huwag kang maniwala 'ron .  Magpatuli nga natatkot na ...maglalaslas
                                  pa ng leeg ...


Joke No. 6

         Pedro       :      ( Sa anak na lalake na may dinaramdam at nakahiga sa kama )
                                 Anak, nararamdaman ko ang sakit na dinaranas mo...kung puwede nga
                                 lamang na ako na ang pumalit sa katayuan mo ay gagawin ko para
                                 lamang hindi ka mahirapan.

         Inday        :      OA ka naman masyado Pedro, eh nagpatulilang naman ang anak mo !


Joke No. 7

         Anak       :        Tatay totoo ba yong kantiyaw sa akin ng mga kapitbahay na supot ka
                                  raw ?

        Pedro       :        Oo anak pero tinanggap na naman ng nanay mo ang katotohanan.
                                 Ano lang naman yon ..kung baga sa hamburger 'yong sa akin with cheese

GOLDEN RULE FOR ACCOUNTANTS

Accounting is arguably the third noblest profession. Accountants are the lifeline of business, making sure systematically that profits are made and losses are within controllable limits. So important is their work especially in the government that the fate of the nation depends on a well managed expenditures of  budget and collection of taxes.

The medical profession is undoubtedly the first followed by teaching. Lawyers and builders argue that they should be on the third but definitely there could be no construction without first arriving at a budget. Lawyers too will argue their place but that's where they are good at - arguing. And they continue arguing their case but still money figures are far more attractive to deal with and lawyers only step in when there disputes regarding the dispensation on those figures.

In the book " J. Edgar Hoover ", the first 50 recruits to be trained as agents of the FBI (Federal Bureau of Investigation were all Certified Public Accountants.  When the President summoned Hoover for clarification, the latter reasoned out that what he really need are people with "a nose for the job, and accountants can easily figure out if something is wrong." 

The same thing in the movie, "Schindler's List", Oscar Schindler, played by actor Liam Neeson emphasized the importance of accountants in his take over of the factories owned by the Jews. It also took an accountant to bring down the almost untouchable Al Capone for tax evasion. The FBI, unable
to pin him down with a string of murder cases have to resort to digging up his tax accountability so he be sent to jail. But the best movie about accountants was Stephen King's "Shawshank Redemption". Its a story of revenge told in a strange way but highlighting the accountant's slow but sure plan to alter the course of his life after being put into prison.

However, every accountant should never forget the CPA's Golden Rule - Do not allow emotions to overcome your judgement. CPA's deal with numbers and numbers things should be. You put in your conclusions based on the numbers and figures provided for you to evaluate if the transaction records are done in abeyance with the right procedures.

Here is a short story I read from a book - a collection of short stories of Ancient Chinese Wisdom.

A  long time ago, palace accountant had a dream. He dreamed that an angel came to visit him that he was to die in a years time. He could live another 50 years if he will be able to do ten thousand good deeds within the year. It was an impossible task and he could not think of a way to accomplish the feat in such a short time.  Confused and worried of the dream, he consulted the village sage about the meaning of his dream.

The old sage advice him to go home first and heal the rift in his family before going back to the palace. The accountant had a long standing feud with his elder brother whom he thought squandered the family inheritance which the latter acted as administrator. His elder brother tried to explain how he lost the family business and their land but he was so angry he did not bother to find out what happened. Following the old man's advice. he confronted his elder brother who showed him the records of  all the transactions he entered into while he was handling the affairs of the family. Indeed records showed that he made some mistakes in judgement but he was able to account for every expenses made. With the records set right, the family was reunited and all the fingerpointing was settled.

Then the accountant came back to the palace and re-organized his record books. Realizing that he has very little time left, he reviewed the records of all the residents in the villages ruled by the emperor and made some changes. He started to consider the effects of the typhoon that ravaged certain areas in the kingdom and deducted a tenth of the taxes to be levied from the emperor's subjects. Furthermore, families who suffered loses from death of family members, sickness, and fire were also given deductions in the taxes they have to pay. He also reduced the interest rates of loans extended and proposed pensions for the elderly and disabled.

And yet, no matter how hard he tried, he could not think of any other way to earn the ten thousand merits required of him. He again consulted the old sage. The old sage told him that he has done more than enough to earn the merits required of him. The merits he earned by bridging the gaps between his family has earned him about a hundred merits. Since all his brothers and sisters reconciled, all their children, grandchildren, house-helps and farm-hands benefited.

He earned over a hundred thousand merits from the reduced taxes he proposed since all the kingdom's subjects benefited. All the people improved their lives with more food on the table, and more money to spend for their other needs.  It maybe just work for him but his job affects hundreds of thousands.

The accountant came to live for another fifty years enjoying the respect he deserved.

As the saying goes ...

" While the worriers are worrying,  while the planners are planning     and the accountants are figuring out how to keep things in               balance,  debit = credit.  "

Profits and loss are revealed by the financial records which had to be interpreted and CPAs can decipher them better than anyone else. Financial losses can be traced by verifying the veracity of the transactions through the paper trail instead of relying on hearsay testimony of parties involved. Between the two versions is the truth supported by receipts, issued checks and other bank transactions.  When you shy away from the chance to uncover the truth because of emotions and prejudgement, then you're an accountant on the job and not an accountant by heart.