HOW I WANT TO BE REMEMBERED

And so they say, that everything happens for a reason

Life is full of mystery, at times stranger than fiction

When good things happen,  we erupt in celebration

But when we hit the bottom, we put God in question

Miseries, tragedies, people seek answer in  religion

Gave them hope, and at times, peace and absolution

Yet some men used God's name to feed  their greed

Asked donations,  indulgences, for  God they  feared

We live a life, but what really is that touches our  soul?

Godliness, faith and hope, of going to Heaven, a goal

We are all given gifts,  and  in our life tw'll play a role

Just don't know when and how, God will give us a call

Our time is short, its not enough to open all the doors

Some will be caught in destiny, or will alter their course

They will do anything to succeed, but will end up worse

Gain power and riches, yet be unhappy, full of  remorse

For every man's an artist, and most just don't know it

And even beggar paints, a picture of misery and guilt

So when we see them dirty, sick and lying in the streets

We will come to open our heart and examine our quilt

Everything is a beauty, for its really about what we see

We cannot do much about the past, just have to let it be

We still have time to mend fences, and meet old friends

Still have time to write, how we wanted to be remembered

ANG UNANG IDOLO - FPJ

Ang tulang ito ay para kay FPJ,  una kong idolo
Bagama't pumanaw na'y di nawawala sa puso ko
Hinangaan, sinubaybayan, at pilit kong tinularan
Bawa't pelikula'y binabantayan kahit pinipilahan

Taong 1965 nang una akong makapanood ng sine
At siyempre ang kasama ko,  ay ang aking Daddy
Double program, don sa balcony ng sinehang Noli
Bida ay si FPJ, Jess Lapid, ang title, Sierra Madre

Ang ingay ng bentilador, hindi pa nauso ang aircon
May naglalako pa ng coke,hopia, mani at pop corn
Nalibang ka na sa pelikula hindi ka pa magugutom
Bago umuwi daan sa Golden Star kakain ng litson

Kay saya kung alalahanin mga gunita ng pagkabata
Mapagkandiling kong ama sa akin ay 'di nagpabaya
Mula noon ay naging idolo, Da King, Fernando Poe
Na siyang hari ng pelikula ng halos kalahating siglo

Unang nakilala bilang Anak ni Palaris at Markado
Anak ng Bulkan, Lo-waist Gang, Fandong Asintado 
Naging Maskarado, Tatak Barbaro, at Ang Maestro
At nagbigay buhay sa Ang Panday,  bilang si Flavio

Mahusay sa baril, Daniel Barrion at Franco Madero
Si Pepeng Kaliwete, Ang Dayuhan at Roman Rapido
Hari ng Barilan, Kalibre 45, Bandido ng Sapang Bato
Ang Alamat, Barbaro Cristobal, Aguila, Ang Padrino

Super sa bakbakan, Apollo Robles, Batang Matadero
Isa Isa Lang, King, Dos por Dos, Dampot, Pukol, Salo
Batang Quiapo, 3 Hari, Isusumbong Kita sa Tatay Ko
Ayos na Ang Kasunod,  higit sa lahat, ay si Totoy Bato

Bayani ng digmaan, Asedillo, Mga Tigreng Taga-Bukid
Ang Agila at Ang Araw, Sa Bawa't Hakbang Panganib
Suicide Commandos, Pilipinas Kong Mahal,  Santiago
Perlas ng Silangan, Dugo ng Bayan at Santo Domingo

Bilang alagad ng batas, Umpisahan Mo, Tatapusin Ko
Kapag Puno na ang Salop, Lakay at Epimaco Velasco
Ang probinsiano, Aguila ng Maynila, Eseng ng Tundo
Muslim Magnum 357, Isang Bala Ka Lang, Mediavillo

Maginoo, mapagmahal, Karnabal, Daigdig Ko'y Ikaw
Kahit Konting Pagtingin, Bontoc, One day, Isang Araw
Batya't Palo-Palo, Ikaw Ang Mahal Ko, at Minsan Pa
To Susan With Love, Bato sa Buhangin, Divina Gracia

Mabait na Kaibigan, Masamang Kaaway, Ang Padrino
Ex-Convict, Kapag Lumaban Ang Api, Tatak ng Tundo
Sa Iyo Ang Tundo, Akin Ang Cavite, pati Sierra Madre
Dito sa Pitong Gatang, pare, May Isang Tsuper ng Taxi

Noong 1960's siya ay hinangaan, naging idolo ng bayan
Pagsapit ng 1970's ay tinanghal na hari ng mga sinehan
Patuloy sa 1980's ay lalong  sumisikat at pinapantayan
Hanggang sa 1990's, iginagalang, at pilit na tinutularan
Year 2004, Walang Bakas, siya ay tuluyang nagpa-alam

I guess I could count myself as one of the "lucky ones" having the experience of being transformed from an isolated barrio with no electricity to a new city life with Cinema big screen and television set at home. It may sound ordinary or even corny to the young ones but watching movies during those years provided us with a different sense of adventure, very much unlike of movies today which are but an ordinary thing even to the less privileged ones.

THE BOOKSTORE : THE GOLDEN YEARS

It all started in 1990, repeat costumers were mostly book readers hoping to chance upon the titles of their favorite authors. They were the happy side of business, appeased with their finds and and eager to go back for the next weekly delivery. Some of them have stories to share, and before leaving passed me lists of books they wanted to include in their private library.  Paperback novels from Booksale was so cheap and being a big buyer, I was given a call each time they have new arrivals. Filling out the customers' book preferences were a bit easy those days. Not one of them haggled and most of them are thankful for the lower price they pay.

The reign of the queen of darkness, caused a daily 10 hour brownouts, so I decided to let go my photocopier and electrical repair shop. The repair shop was hard to manage since its quite difficult to guarantee the works of the technician I employed and handling complaints drained my patience. What started off as "second hand garage sale type store' was then named Juleric Rent-a-Book. With no TV, radio and playstation during brownout, reading books or "pocketbooks" (as most refer to Tagalog novels) became the favorite past time while waiting for the lights.  Tagalog serialized comics were slowly being edged out by Valentine Romance and other tagalog romance novels.

The Pinoy comics was marginalized. With the rising cost of printing, the comics business was slowly being eased out by the tagalog novels. After a year, sales of books covered only a third of our income while two-third came from renting out pocketbooks. Book collectors still visit our store regularly taking with them their friends, and friends of their friends. I have to employ a couple of helpers to accommodate the costumers especially on rainy days and weekends. The brownouts was shortened to four hours a day but new costumers keep coming.

Never a dull day ... By the end of 1992 we have over 2,000 members renting out tagalog pocketbooks and about 500 members who preferred english novels. The tagalog readers just pick out whatever was new and since most of them were housewives, the bookstore became sort of social club where stories about what they read about were shared.  I took care of the english readers by putting up collections of books per author and buying new releases. I have books lined up for my regular english readers that they usually get what I reserved for them and made request for the next title they would like to read.  

What I enjoyed most in serving costumers  was the way they appreciate the efforts I exerted in trying to provide them the titles they have been long searching for.  Unsolicited friendship as you may call it, sharing ideas and reflections from the books we read, and recommending some titles which they believe I too would appreciate. The eyes can tell as well as the smiles, for at times they reveal a part of of themselves from the books that they pick. Considering that almost all my costumers were women,  I enjoyed every minute of the conversation,  falling in love with beautiful minds and at times feeling attracted to some.  The first 3 years was indeed our golden years.

The golden years ended the second week of 1993. Just 3 days after I was featured in the Life and Leisure Section of the Philippine Daily Inquirer titled, "The Masa Doesn't Only Read Comics", an isolated fire destroyed our bookstore. It lasted only 30 minutes with the fire fighters responding after only 15 minutes, partly gutting down the one storey, 30 square foot commercial stall yet completely ruining nearly 5,000 books. Only the exposed sides of the books were torched but they were all soaking wet.  Adding insult to the fire was the garbage collector's refusal to collect the damaged books since they termed them as  fire debris instead of garbage.  I was asked to pay 700 pesos to have the "debris" collected. And then came some more "vultures" - the fire investigators and the insurance adjuster, and topping the cap was the real estate tax collector who argued that since the fire broke out the 13th day of the first month of the new year, real estate tax for improvement still should be paid. 

We have to start all over again ... with 3 kids in tow, we decided to rebuild.  Now we have to pay the rent for the new store we will occupy, and hope that the 2,000 plus costumers we have before will continue patronizing us. But tha's another story.

TEARS FOR BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY

I dig Frank Sinatra. In the early 1960's the song "Fly Me to the Moon" was a big hit 'cause dating and walking at the park by the light of the silvery moon was really romantic. Women's beauty was poetically compared to the mystic moon and its goddess Diana. But that was before men landed on the moon. Since then, the moon became a symbol of pock marked faces. 

Then Rock and Roll took over with Elvis and the Beatles. Then in the 1970's came the regal rock group, the "Queen" with their hit song "The Bohemian Rhapsody".  I did not like the song then. Never did like all the yelling and bastardized opera music. I stuck to the music of the 1960's and the 1970's, appreciating a few song from the 1980's on. But things changed a bit after we watched the bio-movie of Freddie Mercury and his band.

He was a musical genius of his time and his rendition of the song "Love of My Life" can really get into you. The movie was well made and the final scene of Freddie singing "The Bohemian Rhapsody" caused me to shed some tears. His life was no different from other rock stars and celebrities who cannot handle the curse of fame. But he was one of the "lucky ones". Stricken with the AIDS virus, he was able to reconcile with the people who mattered most to him and vindicated himself by reuniting with his old band and performing to the biggest crowd ever assembled to watch a concert. Unlike the grief-stricken big names who chose the easy way out by committing suicide, he faced all the pains and found his inner peace before his demise.

Now 5 of his hits songs are on my playlist and he too has filled a slot in my idol list of stars who dealt life in their own unusual way. Sinatra, who defined his life through the song "My Way",still is my guy but not very far behind together with Muhammad Ali, Magic Johnson, George Foreman and Arthur Ashe. These guys all suffered a sudden twist of fate, Ali with Parkinson's , George Foreman with his humiliating losses to Ali and Young and early retirement from boxing, Magic's struggle with AIDS, and Arthur Ashe's cancer, but dealt with the pains and bounced back with questioning God's Divine will.

Hope everybody has the time to see this movie ...

From "The Diary of Anne Frank"  --

" In spite of everything, I still believe that people

are really good at heart. "

"I don't think of all the misery,

but of the beauty that still remains."

Anne Frank's Diary was written by a 14 year old Jewish girl, who together with her family hid in an attic for over 2 years before they were discovered and sent by the Nazis to the concentration camp. She, with her mother and an elder sister died, and was survived only by her father who found the diary inside their hiding place after the war.  Anne's father had the diary published and the book became a classic and a timeless testament to the human spirit..

Despite her tender age, she wrote with an adult's wisdom. She loved life despite the cruelties brought about by war and chose to make her life a testimony that even in its simplest element, thoughts well written with stubborn honesty could leave a mark in human history. 

 
The book contained her innermost thoughts including her romantic feelings for her beau. Since she never meant her thoughts to be open to the public, she expressed her willingness to be kissed and caressed, which the Catholic hierarchy considered obscene and recommended that the book be banned from public libraries and discourage people from reading the book. The book was listed in the "Librorum Prohibitorum", translated as prohibited books by the Catholic church.

The book became a classic, withstanding the test of time. Rarely a month pass that no customer would not inquire if we have the book in our inventory. Its always on top of the list among classic readers. I have read two versions of the book and I find the one originally published by his father that contained the photocopied pages of her diary as the more interesting read than the more widely published book entitled "The Diary of a Young Girl". The latter is easier to decipher and contained the refined sugarcoated version of the diary. The first is more authentic.

Whichever version you read however,  is enough to satisfy your curiosity why the book ranks high in the annals of classic novels. Its a different rendition of the second world war seen from a hiding place. Living in constant fear for over two years, robbing you of some of the best years of your life.

"  War does not determine who is right

-  only who is left. "

 ---- Bretrand Russel

FATHER AND SON

" Just when I am beginning to understand my father's ways, 

I have a son who thinks I'm wrong ... "

                                                                                                                                                 ---   Anonymous

" No matter what you do with your son, he will always 

try to be like his father. " 
                                                                                                                                          --  Chinese Proverb

Called up my father a couple of days ago.  He was in high spirit despite being in sickbed for over a week and he said jokingly that he was just practicing how to die. He'll be 90 years old 5 months from now and he was hoping to make his birthday a "last hurrah." Mom died about 7 years ago and no matter how hard he tried to hide it, he feel the loneliness of living in solitude.

He has accepted the inevitable, at peace with himself knowing he has a good run, and we have said our goodbyes knowing that I won't be there when he leaves. 

I never got to see my mother when she died. Denied a visitor's visa before, I won't undergo another run in with those  Canadian consuls who looks at you as a prospective TNT.  I have spent my early years doing my share of house chores and helping run my parents' business. I may have been bullheaded some of the time, but not most of the time, so at least I have earned a soft spot in my parents hearts. They have lived more than three decades of their lives in a foreign land and they have known eversince that the day will come when the phone calls would cease. Mom's memories have lived unsullied in my mind and I have so much of my dad's traits in me that death won't make much of a difference.

So as the song goes ...

The leader of the band is tired and his eyes are growing old

But his blood runs through my instrument

              and his song is in my soul ...

My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man

I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band ...

I thank you for the music and your stories of the road

I thank you for the freedom when it came my time to go

I thank you for the kindness and the times when you got 

                                                                tough ...

And Papa I don't think I said "I love you" near enough ...

Dad was that way. He was not much into music - never even heard him voice out a song.

His means of trying to forge a bond was telling "x-rated jokes" and his escapades with women.

But he showered me with gifts when I was a kid. Took me to movies almost every week and never fail to slip a coin in my pocket before he leave home. He was not a perfect dad but his deeds were perfect examples that I imparted to my kids in return. He was just being himself most of the time - and he did his things mostly out of sight, taking the tasks of running our business when all my siblings are past asleep. I got to connect with the things he did for he would wake me up after preparing the goods we would sell the next day so I could carry on what he has started. 

That's one thing I picked up from him. I treated my kids like they were not kids.  I learned that kids prefer dad's lap than the soft sofa's cushions. I learned that kids prefer  dad's embrace than new jackets and sweaters.  I learned that they prefer listening to my stories than playing outside. I learned that they prefer my cooking than the junk foods they could buy from the variety stores. I learned that they enjoy watching television with me and their mother than playing video games. I learned that the kids value more our presence than "presents".  And most of all, my kids learned that their grandfather was my very much like their father.

NEVER TOO LATE TO LEARN

"  We will travel as far as we can but we cannot in one

lifetime see all that we would like to see or

learn all that we hunger to know. "

                                                                                                                                                     ---  Loren Eisley

King Solomon, said to be the wisest man who ever lived, knew the value of knowledge. He knew that every proverb was a product of lifetime experiences that needed to be passed on through generations so he compiled them into 3 books now known as "The Book of Proverbs", "The Song of Songs"  and  "Ecclesiastes". It is said in the Bible that he was given unsurpassed wisdom by God but later squandered it by turning away from his faith.

One good thing about getting old is that you never stop learning and you get to tackle life with a bit more sense of urgency.  Life is slowly taking away the gifts that you once have. The once good eyesight has faded a bit, the body ached and some joints has stiffened and your memory is no longer as good as it used to be. And the experience of losing some of your friends and loved ones have taught you that your clock is ticking and it may stop any time. 

" A man is too apt to forget that in this world he cannot

have everything.  A choice is all that is left to him."

I forgot who quoted the verse, but there's a grain of truth to it. Our mind is different from other people's mind, as well as our feelings, but our life is is interlinked to other people's lives. Our life touches others just as other people touches our life. The only real choice that we have is what we do the time and space given to us. We are all planters. The reap what we sow. And when we die. the people we leave behind gather fruits from the memories we planted.

King Solomon advice was for us to seek enlightenment from books. Books are products of lifetime of works and experiences. It is through books that we could talk and listen to people who lived before us. It is through books that we could travel to different places and live in different times. It is through books that we get to bridge the generations from our origin to the present and maybe give us an idea what is in store for us in the future.

There will never be an end in the pursuit of knowledge. Even in this age of computers, the machines will never be able to figure our why men shed a tear when they hurt. For thousands of years men have never even succeeded in deciphering the "real nature of women" as much as they have figured out what makes a real man. And most of all, the word "love" will remain undefined, unmeasured, beyond reason and unfathomable.