FATHER AND SON

" Just when I am beginning to understand my father's ways, 

I have a son who thinks I'm wrong ... "

                                                                                                                                                 ---   Anonymous

" No matter what you do with your son, he will always 

try to be like his father. " 
                                                                                                                                          --  Chinese Proverb

Called up my father a couple of days ago.  He was in high spirit despite being in sickbed for over a week and he said jokingly that he was just practicing how to die. He'll be 90 years old 5 months from now and he was hoping to make his birthday a "last hurrah." Mom died about 7 years ago and no matter how hard he tried to hide it, he feel the loneliness of living in solitude.

He has accepted the inevitable, at peace with himself knowing he has a good run, and we have said our goodbyes knowing that I won't be there when he leaves. 

I never got to see my mother when she died. Denied a visitor's visa before, I won't undergo another run in with those  Canadian consuls who looks at you as a prospective TNT.  I have spent my early years doing my share of house chores and helping run my parents' business. I may have been bullheaded some of the time, but not most of the time, so at least I have earned a soft spot in my parents hearts. They have lived more than three decades of their lives in a foreign land and they have known eversince that the day will come when the phone calls would cease. Mom's memories have lived unsullied in my mind and I have so much of my dad's traits in me that death won't make much of a difference.

So as the song goes ...

The leader of the band is tired and his eyes are growing old

But his blood runs through my instrument

              and his song is in my soul ...

My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man

I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band ...

I thank you for the music and your stories of the road

I thank you for the freedom when it came my time to go

I thank you for the kindness and the times when you got 

                                                                tough ...

And Papa I don't think I said "I love you" near enough ...

Dad was that way. He was not much into music - never even heard him voice out a song.

His means of trying to forge a bond was telling "x-rated jokes" and his escapades with women.

But he showered me with gifts when I was a kid. Took me to movies almost every week and never fail to slip a coin in my pocket before he leave home. He was not a perfect dad but his deeds were perfect examples that I imparted to my kids in return. He was just being himself most of the time - and he did his things mostly out of sight, taking the tasks of running our business when all my siblings are past asleep. I got to connect with the things he did for he would wake me up after preparing the goods we would sell the next day so I could carry on what he has started. 

That's one thing I picked up from him. I treated my kids like they were not kids.  I learned that kids prefer dad's lap than the soft sofa's cushions. I learned that kids prefer  dad's embrace than new jackets and sweaters.  I learned that they prefer listening to my stories than playing outside. I learned that they prefer my cooking than the junk foods they could buy from the variety stores. I learned that they enjoy watching television with me and their mother than playing video games. I learned that the kids value more our presence than "presents".  And most of all, my kids learned that their grandfather was my very much like their father.