" Those who do not know cannot tell but those who knows do not tell. " - that sounds crazy, but that is what Zen is all about. It is actually devoid of meaning, and can only be understood through "absorption" or "immersion" from an experience that relates to one's enlightenment regarding a particular subject. In simple terms, one cannot explain fully to a non-reader how a novel composed of hundreds of pages without any pictures in it could arouse one's emotion and imagination.
Take for example the first "real" novel I read - " Love Story" by Erich Segal. I have seen the movie twice before I got to read the novel but the latter proved to be a better experience that mere seeing it on the TV screen. Ali McGraw and Ryan O'Neal fitted the roles of Jennifer Cavilleri and Oliver Barret to tee, as well as Ray Milland's portrayal of Oliver's father. It was a simple story about a rich boy falling in love with an ordinary girl and a father who wanted more for his son. They got married, went through life for better and for worse until fate left Oliver with a broken heart. The musical score made the movie even better, but reading the book was a lot different than merely watching it on TV.
The movie did not deviated much from the novel, but there is a great divide between watching the things that were happening than "feeling" how it is to there while they were occurring. Reading get you to imagine and feel the experience of falling in love, resenting the people who wanted to break you two apart, and losing the one you held so dearly in your life. I have seen the movie before so I knew what was about to happen including the ending, and yet I failed to hold back the tears when Oliver lost Jenny to cancer.
The sequel was even better - "Oliver's Story". I intentionally did not watch the movie before I read the novel. Jenny is gone and it was time for Oliver to fall in love again. He did found love with someone who was of the same class and everything was going for them. The novel would have had a happy ending until Oliver went back to his old shell after realizing that it would be unfair to his new love to go on with the relationship with a divided heart. Funny but I would have felt the same way, for why erase the memories of a past love when its the real thing that keeps you alive. More so interestingly, Segal's closure of the novel is one of the best I have read so far - " There's only one thing I know, that if Jenny was alive today, I would have been too. "
That's the Zen part of reading - you cannot describe the "feeling" unless you get to read. Reading means different to different people. To some, reality depends on their perception, but for others, their perception is their reality. The best thing about reading is that there are many doors you could choose from depending on how feel like seeing. It could be a source of knowledge and adventure, or a way to learn and experience the different facets of life. And sometimes that where the problem lies - given the number of things you can unravel, you develop more thirst for it ...
Once you have tasted the experience on how you can get "lost and buried " in the pages of the book you read, there is no turning back. Zen, Zen, the Zarapen ...
Monday, April 3, 2017
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
IV. ALL BECAUSE OF A FIRST LOVE
High school days would have been perfect had I not fallen in love for the first time. She was a real beauty and I spent my whole day trying to catch a glimpse of her. We were schoolmates but boys were separated from girls, with the girls taking the morning session while boys hold class in the afternoon. Entering the school building was the most anticipated moment of the day since I got to see her close as they leave class while we come in. We held class at the fourth floor of the Education building so I usually loiter in the the hallway hoping to see her down the football field.
Four years, I never had the guts to tell her how I feel. I didn't find my self attractive enough and with all the other boys hitting at her I thought I did not have a chance. That's when I pretended to be a reader, always holding a paperback novel each time she's near so I could watch her unnoticed. To make good my act, I buy books and Reader's Digest on a regularly. My only recourse then was turn her into literature, writing poems, keeping a scrapbook diary, and holding her in my dreams. Come from all those stupid things I did was my discovery of the make believe world books can bring as well as the knowledge that came with them.
High school ended without me making the first move. I never did even found out where she studied thereafter but her image lingered forever in my dreams until I met her via Internet as our class of '76 created a website for a planned re-union. In my dreams, she was always the teen-age lass with trim mestisa figures and a wonderful smile. But that's the problem with old flames, they too grow old. She still had that kind of smile but doubled in size. The web chat was fun, recalling those crazy, crazy days and at one she said I should have waited. It was a phrase that I have long wanted to hear, but I knew there was no way of coming back. After the re-union, I went back to my old shell, alone with my family and my bookstore.
Loving from a distance was something I was not able to overcome. College days ended the same, me falling in love with every pretty faces I met, but never having the guts to go beyond first base. The only good thing that came out of it were the accumulating number of scrapbooks that I got to keep. More girls, more love letters unsent, poems written but never recited, and books read to at least keep them in my dreams. Things improved a bit in my working days, able to earn a good salary that I were able to practice some love lines with GROs we meet on night spots. Eight years, me and my friends did nothing but wining and whoring around.
Then one day, I came to know a girl crazy enough to fall in love with someone like me. We got married a year later, I stopped writing for a while since I get to say whatever I have in my mind. No more dreams and imaginings, just plain living and learning about how wonderful the life we're living. I never thought living a happy life was that simple - all you have to do is to do the things that you love, love everyone that needs to be love, and keep a distance from people who want to "fix" your life. Life truly is a bed of roses, but you must first remove the thorns before you lie in it.
That's the perks of being a bookseller, you can choose what you wanted to be every day. you could be with Sherlock Holmes solving a murder, be a dashing Rhett Butler every woman loves, or swing like Tarzan, or travel in space with Asimov. You can be anything or anyone. In serious times, you learn things about the world and life and the universe, or even the things that trouble the mind and the hearts of men. And most of all, you can be with people of your own kind, speaking the same language only readers could understand. And once the day is through, you can go back to what you really are, holding hands with the one you love, and free to dream whatever you want.
Four years, I never had the guts to tell her how I feel. I didn't find my self attractive enough and with all the other boys hitting at her I thought I did not have a chance. That's when I pretended to be a reader, always holding a paperback novel each time she's near so I could watch her unnoticed. To make good my act, I buy books and Reader's Digest on a regularly. My only recourse then was turn her into literature, writing poems, keeping a scrapbook diary, and holding her in my dreams. Come from all those stupid things I did was my discovery of the make believe world books can bring as well as the knowledge that came with them.
High school ended without me making the first move. I never did even found out where she studied thereafter but her image lingered forever in my dreams until I met her via Internet as our class of '76 created a website for a planned re-union. In my dreams, she was always the teen-age lass with trim mestisa figures and a wonderful smile. But that's the problem with old flames, they too grow old. She still had that kind of smile but doubled in size. The web chat was fun, recalling those crazy, crazy days and at one she said I should have waited. It was a phrase that I have long wanted to hear, but I knew there was no way of coming back. After the re-union, I went back to my old shell, alone with my family and my bookstore.
Loving from a distance was something I was not able to overcome. College days ended the same, me falling in love with every pretty faces I met, but never having the guts to go beyond first base. The only good thing that came out of it were the accumulating number of scrapbooks that I got to keep. More girls, more love letters unsent, poems written but never recited, and books read to at least keep them in my dreams. Things improved a bit in my working days, able to earn a good salary that I were able to practice some love lines with GROs we meet on night spots. Eight years, me and my friends did nothing but wining and whoring around.
Then one day, I came to know a girl crazy enough to fall in love with someone like me. We got married a year later, I stopped writing for a while since I get to say whatever I have in my mind. No more dreams and imaginings, just plain living and learning about how wonderful the life we're living. I never thought living a happy life was that simple - all you have to do is to do the things that you love, love everyone that needs to be love, and keep a distance from people who want to "fix" your life. Life truly is a bed of roses, but you must first remove the thorns before you lie in it.
That's the perks of being a bookseller, you can choose what you wanted to be every day. you could be with Sherlock Holmes solving a murder, be a dashing Rhett Butler every woman loves, or swing like Tarzan, or travel in space with Asimov. You can be anything or anyone. In serious times, you learn things about the world and life and the universe, or even the things that trouble the mind and the hearts of men. And most of all, you can be with people of your own kind, speaking the same language only readers could understand. And once the day is through, you can go back to what you really are, holding hands with the one you love, and free to dream whatever you want.
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
III. HOW IT ALL STARTED
It must be destiny ! From grade 2 to grade 6, my seatmate was the best looking girl in our class. Our seat was not by choice since we were arranged alphabetically. Every boy in class had a crush on her so I have to be better in some way. I became a class clown, and excelled in almost all subjects except mathematics. That's when I learned I have to read to be better. From grade 2 onward I read my books on science, history and literature cover to cover. At home, we always get a copy of Taliba, a tagalog broadsheet newspaper in the 1960's.
I woke up early at 4:30 a.m. to prepare myself for school and to be able to watch on TV the early morning shows on channel 7. The TV station was owned by an American who called himself Uncle Bob, graced the TV screen every morning for the 5 a.m. sign in. The first program of the day was some Popeye cartoons, then Laurel and Hardy and at 6, My Favorite Martian. Class starts at 7 so after the 30 minute Martian comedy, I had to hurry walk 7 blocks for the daily flag ceremony. Class ended at 12 noon so I hurry home just in time for the 12:30 Japanese action series "The Samurai". That's the last show I could watch freely since my elder sisters arrive from school and they like to watch noontime variety show, "Tayo'y Mag-happy Happy". I did not like the show much but I only have no choice so I usually sulk in a corner and just read the newspapers.
Mom was real strict and I was not allowed to play outside with other kids. So while other kids play "Tumbang preso" and "patintero", I was at home practicing my skills in "pick-up sticks" and "jack 'n stone". There were no other programs on TV after 3 p.m. other than old movies, tagalog movies on channel 2 and 5, english movies on channel 13, and some film documentaries and talk shows at channel 7 and 11. Again at 6 p.m., another variety show, "Oras ng Ligaya" which I in some way enjoy because of the comedy and debate portions, usually capped by Apeng Daldal and Sylvia La Torre. Apeng was my guy, witty and smart, and able to debate ala "balagtasan", arguing his case in poetic ways. For that I was called "Apeng" by neighboring kids who made fun of me, and bully me every time I go out.
School was the best place for me then, seated near my first crush and being ranked high especially in class recitations. School is where I got to play boys' games but I like playing marbles best though I could not excel in the game. One of my close friend lives on "the easy street" and he brings to school some of his Marvel Comics collection which I got to read during recess time. That was the start of my addiction to comics, the locally published ones since Marvel and DC comics cost a fortune even in those days. Mom always buy "Liwayway" and "Kislap" magazine, my sisters "Wakasan" and "Tagalog Classics", while I opted for "Pogi Comics". My favorite comics character was "Singko Nire", a comical secret agent patterned from the James Bond 007 star, Sean Connery. It was the time when "singko" (5 centavos) can buy you a cup of rice, and another "singko" for some fried tuyo or "galunggong". So for the monicker, Sinko Nire's favorite place was a turo-turo where he gets his regular meal before going to his secret mission.
What really tickled my curiosity in my grade school days was the magazine my Mom buys but hide under the mattresses after reading. So one time while Mom was outside vending fruits, I took the magazine out and read what it was all about. It was the "Tiktik Magazine", mostly about murder, rape and other brutal crimes taken from police files. It was a rated R type of reading material that was not suited for kids my age, but even in those days grade schoolers talk about those X-rated things so were not really that innocent.
I don't know how I get to remember this things in clear details. I must really be getting old. Old is when you forget the simple things like where you placed your keys and the like, but recall things that you thought you have forgotten. The funny thing is, you get to smile about the stupid and embarassing situations you got yourself into, but feel like crying each time you remember the happy moments you had with people you love. That's what makes reading a "real" pleasure - you get to relive the old times you've had, and get immersed in the flow of the story as if you were living it. How hard it is to explain this feeling to someone who sees nothing but bookprints and ask "how can you enjoy this stuff, over an inch thick with no pictures ?"
I came to know why... and that's how it all started.
I woke up early at 4:30 a.m. to prepare myself for school and to be able to watch on TV the early morning shows on channel 7. The TV station was owned by an American who called himself Uncle Bob, graced the TV screen every morning for the 5 a.m. sign in. The first program of the day was some Popeye cartoons, then Laurel and Hardy and at 6, My Favorite Martian. Class starts at 7 so after the 30 minute Martian comedy, I had to hurry walk 7 blocks for the daily flag ceremony. Class ended at 12 noon so I hurry home just in time for the 12:30 Japanese action series "The Samurai". That's the last show I could watch freely since my elder sisters arrive from school and they like to watch noontime variety show, "Tayo'y Mag-happy Happy". I did not like the show much but I only have no choice so I usually sulk in a corner and just read the newspapers.
Mom was real strict and I was not allowed to play outside with other kids. So while other kids play "Tumbang preso" and "patintero", I was at home practicing my skills in "pick-up sticks" and "jack 'n stone". There were no other programs on TV after 3 p.m. other than old movies, tagalog movies on channel 2 and 5, english movies on channel 13, and some film documentaries and talk shows at channel 7 and 11. Again at 6 p.m., another variety show, "Oras ng Ligaya" which I in some way enjoy because of the comedy and debate portions, usually capped by Apeng Daldal and Sylvia La Torre. Apeng was my guy, witty and smart, and able to debate ala "balagtasan", arguing his case in poetic ways. For that I was called "Apeng" by neighboring kids who made fun of me, and bully me every time I go out.
School was the best place for me then, seated near my first crush and being ranked high especially in class recitations. School is where I got to play boys' games but I like playing marbles best though I could not excel in the game. One of my close friend lives on "the easy street" and he brings to school some of his Marvel Comics collection which I got to read during recess time. That was the start of my addiction to comics, the locally published ones since Marvel and DC comics cost a fortune even in those days. Mom always buy "Liwayway" and "Kislap" magazine, my sisters "Wakasan" and "Tagalog Classics", while I opted for "Pogi Comics". My favorite comics character was "Singko Nire", a comical secret agent patterned from the James Bond 007 star, Sean Connery. It was the time when "singko" (5 centavos) can buy you a cup of rice, and another "singko" for some fried tuyo or "galunggong". So for the monicker, Sinko Nire's favorite place was a turo-turo where he gets his regular meal before going to his secret mission.
What really tickled my curiosity in my grade school days was the magazine my Mom buys but hide under the mattresses after reading. So one time while Mom was outside vending fruits, I took the magazine out and read what it was all about. It was the "Tiktik Magazine", mostly about murder, rape and other brutal crimes taken from police files. It was a rated R type of reading material that was not suited for kids my age, but even in those days grade schoolers talk about those X-rated things so were not really that innocent.
I don't know how I get to remember this things in clear details. I must really be getting old. Old is when you forget the simple things like where you placed your keys and the like, but recall things that you thought you have forgotten. The funny thing is, you get to smile about the stupid and embarassing situations you got yourself into, but feel like crying each time you remember the happy moments you had with people you love. That's what makes reading a "real" pleasure - you get to relive the old times you've had, and get immersed in the flow of the story as if you were living it. How hard it is to explain this feeling to someone who sees nothing but bookprints and ask "how can you enjoy this stuff, over an inch thick with no pictures ?"
I came to know why... and that's how it all started.
Monday, March 20, 2017
II. THE METAMORPHOSIS OF A BOOKSELLER
"Books let us into their soul and lay open to us the secrets of our own." by William Hazlitt.
I thought I was destined to be an engineer but my heart was not it. A good engineer is honed by the experience he goes through while performing his responsibilities. I was lucky enough to be one of the 42 cadet engineers chosen from hundreds of applicants. It was a good start. I made a lot friends and performing our duties was a walk in the park since knowledge of what to do was easy and there were plenty of guys to cover for my shortcomings. The only difference was, while they were busy adding some skills and experience, I was having a good time enjoying the perks of a high paying job. I was the go-to-guy in report making having a better mastery of correspondence, but in terms of engineering skills, I pale in comparison to my peers.
When MWSS went bankrupt, and about to be privatized, my friends were ready for jobs in the Middle East while I have to consider other options. They were thrilled with the complexities of construction while I find it boring since like in the tunneling works we were assigned to in our early years, things are practically the same after the first 50 meters. The same with roads, after the first 100 meters, construction becomes a routine. We only get to supervise so that the works will be done according to the plans and specifications. I couldn't focus that long so I always ended thinking of something else. As they watch the workers do their thing, I watch the girls passing by. I couldn't imagine myself doing this things in a foreign land where staring at women is a crime. Ten years of working and all I did was wining and whoring around. Going into business proved to be a more attractive choice for me then.
Newly married with a one year old daughter, I have to earn a living where I could maximize my time with them. That's when I decided to put up a buy and sell business in my parent's place after I resigned from my job. I would have been the first to put up a computer rental shop in 1990 in our place with 4 units of 486 PC's, a dot matrix printer and photocopier, but thanks to President Cory and her daily 12 hours brown-outs, I have to work on something else. That's when I concentrated on books and other reading materials. With no electricity most of the day, people found reading as the cheapest alternative to TV sets.
I was only in my early 30's when I started the business and one thing that really made my day was having the chance to talk with women. Since tagalog pocketbooks was the "in" thing in the 1990's, 9 out of 10 customers were women, mostly housewives who come to the store to swap books was a part of their daily marketing routine. I get more than a hundred smiles per day apart from the earnings, and I found out that book lovers speak a different language. The "Eureka" look when they found the title they were looking for, and the sincere kind of smile when they found the books to their liking. And the one that I like the most - the "gracious smile" when the book I recommended for them to read touched their heart.
After only a year of the book business, I came to discover a lot about myself. Things that never even occur to me in my younger days. I was destined for this kind of job, not only because I love what I was doing but also the fact that I was good in it. People appreciate what I am able to share with them, and in return, I too learn a lot from most of them.
I thought I was destined to be an engineer but my heart was not it. A good engineer is honed by the experience he goes through while performing his responsibilities. I was lucky enough to be one of the 42 cadet engineers chosen from hundreds of applicants. It was a good start. I made a lot friends and performing our duties was a walk in the park since knowledge of what to do was easy and there were plenty of guys to cover for my shortcomings. The only difference was, while they were busy adding some skills and experience, I was having a good time enjoying the perks of a high paying job. I was the go-to-guy in report making having a better mastery of correspondence, but in terms of engineering skills, I pale in comparison to my peers.
When MWSS went bankrupt, and about to be privatized, my friends were ready for jobs in the Middle East while I have to consider other options. They were thrilled with the complexities of construction while I find it boring since like in the tunneling works we were assigned to in our early years, things are practically the same after the first 50 meters. The same with roads, after the first 100 meters, construction becomes a routine. We only get to supervise so that the works will be done according to the plans and specifications. I couldn't focus that long so I always ended thinking of something else. As they watch the workers do their thing, I watch the girls passing by. I couldn't imagine myself doing this things in a foreign land where staring at women is a crime. Ten years of working and all I did was wining and whoring around. Going into business proved to be a more attractive choice for me then.
Newly married with a one year old daughter, I have to earn a living where I could maximize my time with them. That's when I decided to put up a buy and sell business in my parent's place after I resigned from my job. I would have been the first to put up a computer rental shop in 1990 in our place with 4 units of 486 PC's, a dot matrix printer and photocopier, but thanks to President Cory and her daily 12 hours brown-outs, I have to work on something else. That's when I concentrated on books and other reading materials. With no electricity most of the day, people found reading as the cheapest alternative to TV sets.
I was only in my early 30's when I started the business and one thing that really made my day was having the chance to talk with women. Since tagalog pocketbooks was the "in" thing in the 1990's, 9 out of 10 customers were women, mostly housewives who come to the store to swap books was a part of their daily marketing routine. I get more than a hundred smiles per day apart from the earnings, and I found out that book lovers speak a different language. The "Eureka" look when they found the title they were looking for, and the sincere kind of smile when they found the books to their liking. And the one that I like the most - the "gracious smile" when the book I recommended for them to read touched their heart.
After only a year of the book business, I came to discover a lot about myself. Things that never even occur to me in my younger days. I was destined for this kind of job, not only because I love what I was doing but also the fact that I was good in it. People appreciate what I am able to share with them, and in return, I too learn a lot from most of them.
Saturday, March 18, 2017
I. ANY DAY COULD BE A FRESH START ...
Some 30 years ago, I made myself a promise, - I will never again look at my self as just another failure. I then have a good paying job that allowed me to enjoy the perks of being a professional, but there was one draw back. I have to scratch other people back, laugh at their tasteless and corny jokes, and do reports that do not really reflect the type of work that are being done in the field. That was the easy, the harder part was dragging yourself to work every day with people you do not want to be with, and doing the type of work you never did learn to enjoy. Getting promoted proved stressful, and being transferred to a different department away from my usual friends, was took its toll on me and I thought of leaving. That started it all. I changed gear and into a world I have long been with since my childhood days - the buying and selling business.
Find a work you truly enjoy and you never have to work for the rest of your life - that's how the Chinese proverb goes. Be your own boss. We did good the first 2 years, but a fire razed our store to the ground. We did managed to recover our loss ground, but some other screw ups caused us to lose everything we've worked for and its been uphill eversince. With 5 kids to send through college, we spend more than we earned at times, and debts mounted neck deep, so we lagged behind. Failure is what some people regard us, but we never really stopped trying. Our 16 hour a day work routine, 365 day a year effort, somehow carried us to meet our needs but not enough to rise above water. We just take one day at a time, pray and hope for patience like Job, and hang on to our faith that only a few more years to go, we'll be able to go up the easy street. Life may be hard but did managed to squeeze in some fun and laughter as we go through our days.
Everyday, as the sun rises on its horizon, is a sign that it is never too late to forget how you screw up in the past and make a brand new start. The good thing about the future is that it comes comes one day at a time, and though we do not enjoy the same perks other people have in life, each one of us is measured by how much we fill our life with what is given to us. Life is but a tapestry, each one of us a thread, that holds the tapestry together to create a grand design. Some believe that we are the master of our fate, while others believe that everything is pre-arranged and no matter how hard we struggle we are fated to fulfill a destiny. But its more fun to take your chances once in a while and watch how the chips fall to where it may.
Think yourself lucky ! You cannot regarded as a failure if you haven't stopped trying. As Muhammad Ali use to say - " There's nothing wrong with getting knocked down, its staying down that's wrong !" That's why our life is divided into days. We sleep at the day's end, at times even having some dreams whose meaning are hard to interpret, and wake up to a new sunrise in the morning. What's done is done, and no matter how hard we try we could no longer take back the bad things we have said but we could correct or atone for the wrong things we've done. So we just have to fill in for the new day, maybe not enough to cover up for what we lost in the past days but good enough to have a fresh new start ...
Find a work you truly enjoy and you never have to work for the rest of your life - that's how the Chinese proverb goes. Be your own boss. We did good the first 2 years, but a fire razed our store to the ground. We did managed to recover our loss ground, but some other screw ups caused us to lose everything we've worked for and its been uphill eversince. With 5 kids to send through college, we spend more than we earned at times, and debts mounted neck deep, so we lagged behind. Failure is what some people regard us, but we never really stopped trying. Our 16 hour a day work routine, 365 day a year effort, somehow carried us to meet our needs but not enough to rise above water. We just take one day at a time, pray and hope for patience like Job, and hang on to our faith that only a few more years to go, we'll be able to go up the easy street. Life may be hard but did managed to squeeze in some fun and laughter as we go through our days.
Everyday, as the sun rises on its horizon, is a sign that it is never too late to forget how you screw up in the past and make a brand new start. The good thing about the future is that it comes comes one day at a time, and though we do not enjoy the same perks other people have in life, each one of us is measured by how much we fill our life with what is given to us. Life is but a tapestry, each one of us a thread, that holds the tapestry together to create a grand design. Some believe that we are the master of our fate, while others believe that everything is pre-arranged and no matter how hard we struggle we are fated to fulfill a destiny. But its more fun to take your chances once in a while and watch how the chips fall to where it may.
Think yourself lucky ! You cannot regarded as a failure if you haven't stopped trying. As Muhammad Ali use to say - " There's nothing wrong with getting knocked down, its staying down that's wrong !" That's why our life is divided into days. We sleep at the day's end, at times even having some dreams whose meaning are hard to interpret, and wake up to a new sunrise in the morning. What's done is done, and no matter how hard we try we could no longer take back the bad things we have said but we could correct or atone for the wrong things we've done. So we just have to fill in for the new day, maybe not enough to cover up for what we lost in the past days but good enough to have a fresh new start ...
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