Different people react differently in different situation. I do believe that the process of creation has never stopped - every second a new life is born. I don't remember seeing so many gay people around, or maybe there were a lot even in our times but most of them we're afraid to reveal their true nature lest they expose themselves to ridicule. Most people don't mind but they deplore seeing the public display especially the older generation. Whereas before the LGBT issue were being discussed in whispers, now the discussions are done in the open paving a clearer understanding on how to handle the situations. In your case, I can't think of a better scenario than waiting for the right moment when nature will take its own course. Your father may not have noticed or just trying to suppress his doubts but surely your mother knows - its a fact you could never hide from someone who reared you.
Filipinos are of a different mold. People who prides themselves of being real men like to ridicule gay people not because they don't like the LGBT crowd but morely because of their own insecurities. Men wouldn't admit it but a great deal of them too had some LGBT moments when they at least fantasized how it is to make out with people of different genders. When the "Phallic Brain" takes over, men think of perverted sex - any kind of hole they could put their thing into. History relates of a lot of perverted sex, even bestiality. Maybe that's one of the reason why Sigmund Freud theorized that men think of sex every seven minutes on average. Why God created the LGBT kind of thing maybe is not for earthlings to comprehend completely, but being there its a must to open our mind on how to handle it with all the knowledge and information we are provided with.
Could you just imagine the kind of dilemma Bruce Jenner had ? Imagine being called the "world's greatest athlete" during his generation, hailed and idolized by sports circle and adored by women. But inside was a "boiling feeling" of wanting to get out of the machismo prison he was in, pretending to everyone his true identity even to his own family. Our very own Rustum Padilla had the same dilemma having to contend with the "macho image" their family spearheaded in the silver screen. I guess they are happier now with their new assumed identities. I couldn't imagine how you're feeling right now and I am not in a position to render a better advice than anyone. I have read and seen movies about the LGBT thing and sometimes it helps a lot when you see that your so-called problem is also other people's problem. I don't want to call it a problem actually but a situation - something you have to learn to live with and be at the best you can be.
The grandeur of history would not have been so had all the artists of the past been all warrior kind of guys. The world of today would have been as colorful and eventful as they are had people were of the same nature - the so-called "freaks", "nerds", "dreamers" and "different people" made those things possible. Unhappiness results from comparing your self to other people, fear results from anticipating the consequences of things, and guilt results from thinking that what you have been doing is hurting other people. There are a lot of ways to handle these things - just keep and open mind, be with people whom you love for chances are they will love you back, and don't be afraid of getting hurt for its the mind and soul conditioning that make us feel we're alive, and most of all open your heart to love extended by people who care and faith to whoever you believe in.
*** ( Hope this is not the last e-mail I would get. Ask any question, even the crazy ones. I don't claim to be an expert but maybe you and I could figure things out. E-mail me at kuyaedperea@gmail.co )
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
Monday, October 16, 2017
WINNING AND LOSING
"A winner is someone who recognizes his God-given talents
Work his tail off to develop them into skill, and then relents
The pains and tears, uses the skills to accomplish his goals"
Says Larry Bird - the Boston Celtics' cager in his starring role
"You can't get much done in life if you only work on the days
That you feel good", NBA superstar Jerry West also says
Basketball may just be a game, but Pros doesn't only play
They inspire, they entertain, and at times they lead the way
Millions are in the game but only a handful become superstars
No pain, no gain, willing work hard and toil to earn their spurs
But lest we forget that to be at the top, and to be the number one
Hundred guys have to line up trying to outdo n' bring you down
So they say, conquer the mountain so you can see the plains
Once you reach the top, no other way to go but down the drain
One must realize that falling is as natural as rising and winning
Fame and glory are the prize, pain and misery goes with losing
When you're down, the applause and cheers will but be memories
But its not hopeless for you can still go down with pride and praises
If you were good to the people who were around you when rising
They will catch you as you fall, and they will keep on believing
Good memories keep you going, smooth the ride while you're sliding
As you fall you may never be able to rise again, and quit on playing
People will remember, and never forget the guy who took the last shot
Won the championship when there was but a second in the shot clock,
Some players too tried hard but failed, always unable to take the grind
Yet kept the plays, the moves, the strategies, stack them up in their mind
So when they leave the game they have learned a lot, then hope to find
A rag tag team with unpolished talents then to teach them how to climb
As the saying goes - he who can't do, teach - being a loser you learn
Not everyone can be like Michael Jordan, so find another way to turn
A shattered pride ... maybe the pieces you need to build another dream
And mold unpolished talents to be better, lead, and be a winning team
Losing doesn't really make one a failure if he continues to move on
Its when you quit that failure becomes permanent, then you're done
But if ever you decide to hang on, and start all over and try to swim
You don't have to drown in sorrow, then you can teach others to win
Work his tail off to develop them into skill, and then relents
The pains and tears, uses the skills to accomplish his goals"
Says Larry Bird - the Boston Celtics' cager in his starring role
"You can't get much done in life if you only work on the days
That you feel good", NBA superstar Jerry West also says
Basketball may just be a game, but Pros doesn't only play
They inspire, they entertain, and at times they lead the way
Millions are in the game but only a handful become superstars
No pain, no gain, willing work hard and toil to earn their spurs
But lest we forget that to be at the top, and to be the number one
Hundred guys have to line up trying to outdo n' bring you down
So they say, conquer the mountain so you can see the plains
Once you reach the top, no other way to go but down the drain
One must realize that falling is as natural as rising and winning
Fame and glory are the prize, pain and misery goes with losing
When you're down, the applause and cheers will but be memories
But its not hopeless for you can still go down with pride and praises
If you were good to the people who were around you when rising
They will catch you as you fall, and they will keep on believing
Good memories keep you going, smooth the ride while you're sliding
As you fall you may never be able to rise again, and quit on playing
People will remember, and never forget the guy who took the last shot
Won the championship when there was but a second in the shot clock,
Some players too tried hard but failed, always unable to take the grind
Yet kept the plays, the moves, the strategies, stack them up in their mind
So when they leave the game they have learned a lot, then hope to find
A rag tag team with unpolished talents then to teach them how to climb
As the saying goes - he who can't do, teach - being a loser you learn
Not everyone can be like Michael Jordan, so find another way to turn
A shattered pride ... maybe the pieces you need to build another dream
And mold unpolished talents to be better, lead, and be a winning team
Losing doesn't really make one a failure if he continues to move on
Its when you quit that failure becomes permanent, then you're done
But if ever you decide to hang on, and start all over and try to swim
You don't have to drown in sorrow, then you can teach others to win
Sunday, October 15, 2017
LIVING, LOVING AND LEARNING
Aristotle use to say - " Learning is always accompanied by pain."
Great books are over our head, at times hard but don't complain
That is why they need our attention, so listen to what they teach
Read and reread until our mind, our intelligence is on a stretch
A learned man, lover of life cannot be idle for he kills time by study
He becomes whole only when he can face life and always be ready
To tackle every hurdle that blocks his way to where he wants to go
Fail then try again until he's able to pursue things that he wants to do
Love what you're doing and not waste part of your life just to please
To display the qualities you do not possess to keep up with the Joneses
Gain applause you could not keep, to end at a loss and be frustrated
Unable to pretend any longer, be with the crowd you never wanted
Never be a slave of a reputation - the opinion other people have of you
Living the life that was not meant, acting a role, a face that is never true
Show your real colors, say what you really feel, and stop all the drama
Things maybe good for a while, but once they find out, that's your karma
Then don't settle for a love relationship that won't let you be the true you
Follow your heart, its the only thing that can give you the feel, to woo ...
Your heart know things that the mind can never explain and cannot see
Love and happiness goes hand in hand, two hearts as one, you and me
Once the love problem is solved, then learning is what will keep us going
Everyday we love we learn, everyday we learn we live, our chance to sing
About the love, about the past, about everything, places we came to pass
The goal is not to live forever but to enjoy our lives to the very last ...
Great books are over our head, at times hard but don't complain
That is why they need our attention, so listen to what they teach
Read and reread until our mind, our intelligence is on a stretch
A learned man, lover of life cannot be idle for he kills time by study
He becomes whole only when he can face life and always be ready
To tackle every hurdle that blocks his way to where he wants to go
Fail then try again until he's able to pursue things that he wants to do
Love what you're doing and not waste part of your life just to please
To display the qualities you do not possess to keep up with the Joneses
Gain applause you could not keep, to end at a loss and be frustrated
Unable to pretend any longer, be with the crowd you never wanted
Never be a slave of a reputation - the opinion other people have of you
Living the life that was not meant, acting a role, a face that is never true
Show your real colors, say what you really feel, and stop all the drama
Things maybe good for a while, but once they find out, that's your karma
Then don't settle for a love relationship that won't let you be the true you
Follow your heart, its the only thing that can give you the feel, to woo ...
Your heart know things that the mind can never explain and cannot see
Love and happiness goes hand in hand, two hearts as one, you and me
Once the love problem is solved, then learning is what will keep us going
Everyday we love we learn, everyday we learn we live, our chance to sing
About the love, about the past, about everything, places we came to pass
The goal is not to live forever but to enjoy our lives to the very last ...
Saturday, October 14, 2017
WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT
Take this one from Ralph Waldo Emerson :
Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could
Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in.
Forget them as soon as you can
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely...
So many ways life has been defined but what is it really all about ?
We end up pursuing happiness, with riches it can never be bought
For happiness is a by product of loving, and a life well lived
Of giving as well as receiving, and not doing what God forbids
Just think about it - if you were paid a hundred for every good deed
At the end of your days, will you be rich ? If not, then you bungled
For doing good is the rent we pay for the space we occupy on earth
Failing to do so we still have a chance, before you die renew your faith
Life is a grindstone, whether it grinds you down or polishes you up
Depends on your character and what you're made up, so be tough
It goes with saying, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going
You may be knocked down but try to get up, and just keep on moving
Even if you're failing, don't stop if you're moving at the right direction
Inch by inch, who knows. there may still be time to win, be a champion
For if we cannot build a good fortune for our self, at least we tried ...
As we grow older at least we can say we're not a quitter with pride !
Its Ok not to be Ok, just don't stay that way - always strive to get better
Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone, and tomorrow may lead us nowhere
God had given us more than we need but not enough to satisfy our greed
Once you learn how to love life then you are ready to plant a good seed
Someday we too will say goodbye, people who love us will surely cry
But we should leave them without having to explain the reasons why
For a good tree to grow a seed had to die, be buried so it could sprout
A new life with new meaning, and to pass on the good sap from its roots
Someday you will all look back and know exactly why it had to happen
The past is your lesson, the present's your gift, and the future to brighten
At times we don't know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory
It hurts to let go but at times hurt more to hold on, so set yourself free ...
As Maya Angelou use to say - "Our live is not measured by the number
of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that our breath away."
The greatest challenge is discovering who you are, and what kind
And the second greatest challenge is being happy with what you find
Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could
Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in.
Forget them as soon as you can
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it well and serenely...
So many ways life has been defined but what is it really all about ?
We end up pursuing happiness, with riches it can never be bought
For happiness is a by product of loving, and a life well lived
Of giving as well as receiving, and not doing what God forbids
Just think about it - if you were paid a hundred for every good deed
At the end of your days, will you be rich ? If not, then you bungled
For doing good is the rent we pay for the space we occupy on earth
Failing to do so we still have a chance, before you die renew your faith
Life is a grindstone, whether it grinds you down or polishes you up
Depends on your character and what you're made up, so be tough
It goes with saying, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going
You may be knocked down but try to get up, and just keep on moving
Even if you're failing, don't stop if you're moving at the right direction
Inch by inch, who knows. there may still be time to win, be a champion
For if we cannot build a good fortune for our self, at least we tried ...
As we grow older at least we can say we're not a quitter with pride !
Its Ok not to be Ok, just don't stay that way - always strive to get better
Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone, and tomorrow may lead us nowhere
God had given us more than we need but not enough to satisfy our greed
Once you learn how to love life then you are ready to plant a good seed
Someday we too will say goodbye, people who love us will surely cry
But we should leave them without having to explain the reasons why
For a good tree to grow a seed had to die, be buried so it could sprout
A new life with new meaning, and to pass on the good sap from its roots
Someday you will all look back and know exactly why it had to happen
The past is your lesson, the present's your gift, and the future to brighten
At times we don't know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory
It hurts to let go but at times hurt more to hold on, so set yourself free ...
As Maya Angelou use to say - "Our live is not measured by the number
of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that our breath away."
The greatest challenge is discovering who you are, and what kind
And the second greatest challenge is being happy with what you find
Friday, October 13, 2017
LEARNED MAN VERSUS AN EDUCATED MAN
Mark twain said, don't let your schooling interfere with your education
Yet still it is not enough to be educated, gotta use it and put it in motion
The school helps, it is your first step for confidence and for recognition
But it will take years of experience and good works to earn a reputation
Teachers teach but you need good books as well to get more information
Great books were written by the greatest liberal artists and men of vision
For they taught one another and taught all the previous, older generations
Surely they can teach us more if we'll only figure out the right questions
Liberal, t'was called the education enjoyed by the privileged and the rich
So there is no reason why liberal education should be beyond our reach
We have to overcome the innate human tendency to underrate our class
The rich look down on everyone who don't belong, " they are not us ! "
People who don't share their background, they cannot have their ability
They will put you down, and they'll push you out of their elite society
But remember, the great books came out of ignorant, inquiring humanity
Most of them were written for, and addressed to us, poor people ordinary
That is why great books are great teachers, so heed all, all of us readers
Pay attention, get as much information, we will not be mere pretenders
Knowing and learning, that's how we can call our self a human being
Able to understand, pursue the highest point we're capable of attaining
Make time, learn the art of re-reading, books you read when you're 16
Age makes a difference... understanding some things you have not seen
You will find out that you have missed something, a new kind of feeling
No matter how hard your mind before, you'll be surprised, its working !
Yet still it is not enough to be educated, gotta use it and put it in motion
The school helps, it is your first step for confidence and for recognition
But it will take years of experience and good works to earn a reputation
Teachers teach but you need good books as well to get more information
Great books were written by the greatest liberal artists and men of vision
For they taught one another and taught all the previous, older generations
Surely they can teach us more if we'll only figure out the right questions
Liberal, t'was called the education enjoyed by the privileged and the rich
So there is no reason why liberal education should be beyond our reach
We have to overcome the innate human tendency to underrate our class
The rich look down on everyone who don't belong, " they are not us ! "
People who don't share their background, they cannot have their ability
They will put you down, and they'll push you out of their elite society
But remember, the great books came out of ignorant, inquiring humanity
Most of them were written for, and addressed to us, poor people ordinary
That is why great books are great teachers, so heed all, all of us readers
Pay attention, get as much information, we will not be mere pretenders
Knowing and learning, that's how we can call our self a human being
Able to understand, pursue the highest point we're capable of attaining
Make time, learn the art of re-reading, books you read when you're 16
Age makes a difference... understanding some things you have not seen
You will find out that you have missed something, a new kind of feeling
No matter how hard your mind before, you'll be surprised, its working !
Sunday, October 8, 2017
BUENA MANO : QUESTION > DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE BIBLE ?
First e-mail question I got was rather tricky. I have a feeling that she's baiting me into committing myself - but it doesn't really matter what I believe in, its what you believe in that really counts. The Bible is a great book and everyone should devote some time to get acquainted with teachings for it laid the foundation of the Christian world. For over 2000 years, generation after generation have debated about the messages the Bible reveal, but instead of uniting the so-called Christians it only caused more divisions among them. Each espousing their own interpretation, we therefore have the choice which one to believe.
I remember one glaring scene in the movie, "The Day After Tomorrow"- a group of survivors clammed in inside a US national library while those left outside were all frozen to death. To keep themselves from freezing, they were forced to burn the books so they can keep warm. The librarian who was in charge set aside a bible which he kept near.. When asked why, he answered that though he doesn't believe in God, he said it was the first print of the Bible, and once all of them are gone it will be the only remaining proof that a civilization once existed. Historically, that's the importance of the Bible. Its other importance is the attached belief that the words written therein were the words of God dictated to the prophets for man to understand the workings of the Supreme Being.
We are all defined with what we believe in, the books we read, the songs we listen to, the movies we watch. All human beings are genetically 99 percent similar with one another but its the 1 percent difference that gives life and living all the excitements. We've made ourselves different from other animals because only humans can kill from a distance. Animals kill for food. Only humans kill for fun. And only humans worship a God that they could not touch and see. Only humans leave a legacy, and the Bible is one of the greatest legacy of civilization. Its not the earliest though. There were some written dogmas centuries earlier, but to the Christian world the Bible is the only truth that should be believed.
Going back to the question if I believe in the Bible. I believe it was written with the noblest intentions - and if ever you have experienced how it feels to be at your end of the rope, it could provide with the strength to go on and feel that there is a Great Someone who watches over you. "Not even a sparrow will fall down the earth without my permission" - I remember reading that in the Bible. If you can believe that with all your heart, then you have experienced how it is to have "faith" in God. I believe that God communicates with us every minute of the day. I am now 58 years of age and approximately my heart has pumped 2,325,000,000 times. At least about a third of that life I spent sleeping - helpless and unaware of everything that is happening. Surely Someone watches over us during that time. As Einstein said in one of his interviews - " Being spiritual is different from being religious. Its either you don't believe in miracles or you believe everyday is a miracle.
One thing I learned in all those readings - you also have to unlearn first the things you have learned about something before you truly understand what you wish to understand. Only when the cup is empty that it can be filled - so empty your cup first. Its is never wrong to open all doors you have a key to see what is inside before you can describe what is in it and not rely on someone else what they have seen inside it. We have but a limited time and no age have spoken with a single voice. There always was a major disagreement. But it is also wrong to dismiss the wisdom of the sages of the former times. Our heart will lead us into it if only we follow where it leads. Reading the Bible with an open heart is a good start.
I remember one glaring scene in the movie, "The Day After Tomorrow"- a group of survivors clammed in inside a US national library while those left outside were all frozen to death. To keep themselves from freezing, they were forced to burn the books so they can keep warm. The librarian who was in charge set aside a bible which he kept near.. When asked why, he answered that though he doesn't believe in God, he said it was the first print of the Bible, and once all of them are gone it will be the only remaining proof that a civilization once existed. Historically, that's the importance of the Bible. Its other importance is the attached belief that the words written therein were the words of God dictated to the prophets for man to understand the workings of the Supreme Being.
We are all defined with what we believe in, the books we read, the songs we listen to, the movies we watch. All human beings are genetically 99 percent similar with one another but its the 1 percent difference that gives life and living all the excitements. We've made ourselves different from other animals because only humans can kill from a distance. Animals kill for food. Only humans kill for fun. And only humans worship a God that they could not touch and see. Only humans leave a legacy, and the Bible is one of the greatest legacy of civilization. Its not the earliest though. There were some written dogmas centuries earlier, but to the Christian world the Bible is the only truth that should be believed.
Going back to the question if I believe in the Bible. I believe it was written with the noblest intentions - and if ever you have experienced how it feels to be at your end of the rope, it could provide with the strength to go on and feel that there is a Great Someone who watches over you. "Not even a sparrow will fall down the earth without my permission" - I remember reading that in the Bible. If you can believe that with all your heart, then you have experienced how it is to have "faith" in God. I believe that God communicates with us every minute of the day. I am now 58 years of age and approximately my heart has pumped 2,325,000,000 times. At least about a third of that life I spent sleeping - helpless and unaware of everything that is happening. Surely Someone watches over us during that time. As Einstein said in one of his interviews - " Being spiritual is different from being religious. Its either you don't believe in miracles or you believe everyday is a miracle.
One thing I learned in all those readings - you also have to unlearn first the things you have learned about something before you truly understand what you wish to understand. Only when the cup is empty that it can be filled - so empty your cup first. Its is never wrong to open all doors you have a key to see what is inside before you can describe what is in it and not rely on someone else what they have seen inside it. We have but a limited time and no age have spoken with a single voice. There always was a major disagreement. But it is also wrong to dismiss the wisdom of the sages of the former times. Our heart will lead us into it if only we follow where it leads. Reading the Bible with an open heart is a good start.
Saturday, September 23, 2017
A MASTERS OF ARTS DEGREE IN DAYDREAMING
I earned my PRC license in 1983 on my second try. I was not really very proud of it then since I was the only one who failed in our first try ( there were 24 of us and one landed 2nd place). It made my parents real proud but unfortunately their dream was not my dream. I did landed a good job, a promising one during that time, since we were assigned at the fore front of the planned water service project that would modernize the entire Metro-Manila. Unfortunately, Cory Aquino came to power and decreed that all Marcos proposed projects are to be shelved and that ended our dream of becoming the future project managers of other project components that were soon to follow.
The new administration that prided itself to be incorruptible bloated the MWSS plantilla from 3000+ to 16,000+ employees in just over a year and it was no surprise that after 4 years, the company went bankrupt and had to be privatized. I ended up in a job assignment that was a poor use of our training while my peers found work in the Middle-East constructing desalinization plants and underground silos for defensive weapons. Having had over a year of experience how lonesome it was to be in a field assignment where you could only go home on weekends, I opted not to go since I was then newly married and yearly furlough to me then was unthinkable. Besides, no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't use to playing the kind of game one had to play in a corporate world. My heart was simply not into it and I sought escape from the pressure and stress that managing other people brings.
It was then that I came back to where I started from, having acted as a second to my father in running our fruit business. I opted for a different product though, conducive to my moods and compulsive behavior. And that was how I ended up with the book business. Everyday for the last 27 years I do nothing but read, scrawl notes, watch movies, exchange ideas with customers, and do some writing at the end of the day. I earn from the effort to provide for my family's needs and get to daydream the minutes in between. As Goodrich use to say, " I have earned my Master of Art degree in Daydreaming."
It was a complete turn around from the world I use to live in - and since that day I have neglected connecting with former friends until I found myself detached. I found no need for a cellphone that I stopped using one about ten years ago. My world became my family, my bookstore, and my imagination. My counter became my podium where I get to share the useless information I picked up from the books I read and movies and documentaries I've seen. My suppose to be legacy lies in the volumes of scrapbooks I've kept through the years of notes and cut-outs pasted on its pages. Add to this the blogging and the playlist that I hope my kids would one day find interest playing for them to be reminded me of when I'm gone.
All my kids turned out to be more interested in numbers than the letters I have enjoyed juggling through all my years. But up to this time, they still listen to whatever I have to say and still find my jokes funny. So I guess it would just be a matter of time when they would one day turn the pages of the cartoons and jokes I clipped from the old magazine and newspaper I read. The things I wrote which I never got to say to them, would one day too will be read so they'll know that even when we're not together its them I have in mind most of the time. Never wanted to hold them on a leash, for I thought that the less rules I make, the less I have to worry about them breaking it. To see them laughing, smiling, and home each was more than what could make my day. Hope that maybe when they are gone and had families of their own they'll still try to connect with us. I don't like to bet on that but one thing sure, so I stocked up memories to hang on when I have nothing more to do but ride on my rocking chair waiting for my time to end.
I am not stopping. With visions fading, as well as my troubled hearing, and arthritis crippling my hands, I still continue with my reading, my writings, my cut-outs, and my talking. I have yet to earn my Doctorate degree in caring. I've been down so many times, I haven't really leveled up to a day when I can do more than just share my thoughts. I hope someday I could still have time to connect with the old friends and relatives. I had to tell them that I haven't really forgotten the good times we've had. Just have to leave for a long while to nurse my wounds and once completely healed, get back to them and share some good times together.
The new administration that prided itself to be incorruptible bloated the MWSS plantilla from 3000+ to 16,000+ employees in just over a year and it was no surprise that after 4 years, the company went bankrupt and had to be privatized. I ended up in a job assignment that was a poor use of our training while my peers found work in the Middle-East constructing desalinization plants and underground silos for defensive weapons. Having had over a year of experience how lonesome it was to be in a field assignment where you could only go home on weekends, I opted not to go since I was then newly married and yearly furlough to me then was unthinkable. Besides, no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't use to playing the kind of game one had to play in a corporate world. My heart was simply not into it and I sought escape from the pressure and stress that managing other people brings.
It was then that I came back to where I started from, having acted as a second to my father in running our fruit business. I opted for a different product though, conducive to my moods and compulsive behavior. And that was how I ended up with the book business. Everyday for the last 27 years I do nothing but read, scrawl notes, watch movies, exchange ideas with customers, and do some writing at the end of the day. I earn from the effort to provide for my family's needs and get to daydream the minutes in between. As Goodrich use to say, " I have earned my Master of Art degree in Daydreaming."
It was a complete turn around from the world I use to live in - and since that day I have neglected connecting with former friends until I found myself detached. I found no need for a cellphone that I stopped using one about ten years ago. My world became my family, my bookstore, and my imagination. My counter became my podium where I get to share the useless information I picked up from the books I read and movies and documentaries I've seen. My suppose to be legacy lies in the volumes of scrapbooks I've kept through the years of notes and cut-outs pasted on its pages. Add to this the blogging and the playlist that I hope my kids would one day find interest playing for them to be reminded me of when I'm gone.
All my kids turned out to be more interested in numbers than the letters I have enjoyed juggling through all my years. But up to this time, they still listen to whatever I have to say and still find my jokes funny. So I guess it would just be a matter of time when they would one day turn the pages of the cartoons and jokes I clipped from the old magazine and newspaper I read. The things I wrote which I never got to say to them, would one day too will be read so they'll know that even when we're not together its them I have in mind most of the time. Never wanted to hold them on a leash, for I thought that the less rules I make, the less I have to worry about them breaking it. To see them laughing, smiling, and home each was more than what could make my day. Hope that maybe when they are gone and had families of their own they'll still try to connect with us. I don't like to bet on that but one thing sure, so I stocked up memories to hang on when I have nothing more to do but ride on my rocking chair waiting for my time to end.
I am not stopping. With visions fading, as well as my troubled hearing, and arthritis crippling my hands, I still continue with my reading, my writings, my cut-outs, and my talking. I have yet to earn my Doctorate degree in caring. I've been down so many times, I haven't really leveled up to a day when I can do more than just share my thoughts. I hope someday I could still have time to connect with the old friends and relatives. I had to tell them that I haven't really forgotten the good times we've had. Just have to leave for a long while to nurse my wounds and once completely healed, get back to them and share some good times together.
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