HOW I WANT TO BE REMEMBERED

And so they say, that everything happens for a reason

Life is full of mystery, at times stranger than fiction

When good things happen,  we erupt in celebration

But when we hit the bottom, we put God in question

Miseries, tragedies, people seek answer in  religion

Gave them hope, and at times, peace and absolution

Yet some men used God's name to feed  their greed

Asked donations,  indulgences, for  God they  feared

We live a life, but what really is that touches our  soul?

Godliness, faith and hope, of going to Heaven, a goal

We are all given gifts,  and  in our life tw'll play a role

Just don't know when and how, God will give us a call

Our time is short, its not enough to open all the doors

Some will be caught in destiny, or will alter their course

They will do anything to succeed, but will end up worse

Gain power and riches, yet be unhappy, full of  remorse

For every man's an artist, and most just don't know it

And even beggar paints, a picture of misery and guilt

So when we see them dirty, sick and lying in the streets

We will come to open our heart and examine our quilt

Everything is a beauty, for its really about what we see

We cannot do much about the past, just have to let it be

We still have time to mend fences, and meet old friends

Still have time to write, how we wanted to be remembered

ANG UNANG IDOLO - FPJ

Ang tulang ito ay para kay FPJ,  una kong idolo
Bagama't pumanaw na'y di nawawala sa puso ko
Hinangaan, sinubaybayan, at pilit kong tinularan
Bawa't pelikula'y binabantayan kahit pinipilahan

Taong 1965 nang una akong makapanood ng sine
At siyempre ang kasama ko,  ay ang aking Daddy
Double program, don sa balcony ng sinehang Noli
Bida ay si FPJ, Jess Lapid, ang title, Sierra Madre

Ang ingay ng bentilador, hindi pa nauso ang aircon
May naglalako pa ng coke,hopia, mani at pop corn
Nalibang ka na sa pelikula hindi ka pa magugutom
Bago umuwi daan sa Golden Star kakain ng litson

Kay saya kung alalahanin mga gunita ng pagkabata
Mapagkandiling kong ama sa akin ay 'di nagpabaya
Mula noon ay naging idolo, Da King, Fernando Poe
Na siyang hari ng pelikula ng halos kalahating siglo

Unang nakilala bilang Anak ni Palaris at Markado
Anak ng Bulkan, Lo-waist Gang, Fandong Asintado 
Naging Maskarado, Tatak Barbaro, at Ang Maestro
At nagbigay buhay sa Ang Panday,  bilang si Flavio

Mahusay sa baril, Daniel Barrion at Franco Madero
Si Pepeng Kaliwete, Ang Dayuhan at Roman Rapido
Hari ng Barilan, Kalibre 45, Bandido ng Sapang Bato
Ang Alamat, Barbaro Cristobal, Aguila, Ang Padrino

Super sa bakbakan, Apollo Robles, Batang Matadero
Isa Isa Lang, King, Dos por Dos, Dampot, Pukol, Salo
Batang Quiapo, 3 Hari, Isusumbong Kita sa Tatay Ko
Ayos na Ang Kasunod,  higit sa lahat, ay si Totoy Bato

Bayani ng digmaan, Asedillo, Mga Tigreng Taga-Bukid
Ang Agila at Ang Araw, Sa Bawa't Hakbang Panganib
Suicide Commandos, Pilipinas Kong Mahal,  Santiago
Perlas ng Silangan, Dugo ng Bayan at Santo Domingo

Bilang alagad ng batas, Umpisahan Mo, Tatapusin Ko
Kapag Puno na ang Salop, Lakay at Epimaco Velasco
Ang probinsiano, Aguila ng Maynila, Eseng ng Tundo
Muslim Magnum 357, Isang Bala Ka Lang, Mediavillo

Maginoo, mapagmahal, Karnabal, Daigdig Ko'y Ikaw
Kahit Konting Pagtingin, Bontoc, One day, Isang Araw
Batya't Palo-Palo, Ikaw Ang Mahal Ko, at Minsan Pa
To Susan With Love, Bato sa Buhangin, Divina Gracia

Mabait na Kaibigan, Masamang Kaaway, Ang Padrino
Ex-Convict, Kapag Lumaban Ang Api, Tatak ng Tundo
Sa Iyo Ang Tundo, Akin Ang Cavite, pati Sierra Madre
Dito sa Pitong Gatang, pare, May Isang Tsuper ng Taxi

Noong 1960's siya ay hinangaan, naging idolo ng bayan
Pagsapit ng 1970's ay tinanghal na hari ng mga sinehan
Patuloy sa 1980's ay lalong  sumisikat at pinapantayan
Hanggang sa 1990's, iginagalang, at pilit na tinutularan
Year 2004, Walang Bakas, siya ay tuluyang nagpa-alam

I guess I could count myself as one of the "lucky ones" having the experience of being transformed from an isolated barrio with no electricity to a new city life with Cinema big screen and television set at home. It may sound ordinary or even corny to the young ones but watching movies during those years provided us with a different sense of adventure, very much unlike of movies today which are but an ordinary thing even to the less privileged ones.

THE BOOKSTORE : THE GOLDEN YEARS

It all started in 1990, repeat costumers were mostly book readers hoping to chance upon the titles of their favorite authors. They were the happy side of business, appeased with their finds and and eager to go back for the next weekly delivery. Some of them have stories to share, and before leaving passed me lists of books they wanted to include in their private library.  Paperback novels from Booksale was so cheap and being a big buyer, I was given a call each time they have new arrivals. Filling out the customers' book preferences were a bit easy those days. Not one of them haggled and most of them are thankful for the lower price they pay.

The reign of the queen of darkness, caused a daily 10 hour brownouts, so I decided to let go my photocopier and electrical repair shop. The repair shop was hard to manage since its quite difficult to guarantee the works of the technician I employed and handling complaints drained my patience. What started off as "second hand garage sale type store' was then named Juleric Rent-a-Book. With no TV, radio and playstation during brownout, reading books or "pocketbooks" (as most refer to Tagalog novels) became the favorite past time while waiting for the lights.  Tagalog serialized comics were slowly being edged out by Valentine Romance and other tagalog romance novels.

The Pinoy comics was marginalized. With the rising cost of printing, the comics business was slowly being eased out by the tagalog novels. After a year, sales of books covered only a third of our income while two-third came from renting out pocketbooks. Book collectors still visit our store regularly taking with them their friends, and friends of their friends. I have to employ a couple of helpers to accommodate the costumers especially on rainy days and weekends. The brownouts was shortened to four hours a day but new costumers keep coming.

Never a dull day ... By the end of 1992 we have over 2,000 members renting out tagalog pocketbooks and about 500 members who preferred english novels. The tagalog readers just pick out whatever was new and since most of them were housewives, the bookstore became sort of social club where stories about what they read about were shared.  I took care of the english readers by putting up collections of books per author and buying new releases. I have books lined up for my regular english readers that they usually get what I reserved for them and made request for the next title they would like to read.  

What I enjoyed most in serving costumers  was the way they appreciate the efforts I exerted in trying to provide them the titles they have been long searching for.  Unsolicited friendship as you may call it, sharing ideas and reflections from the books we read, and recommending some titles which they believe I too would appreciate. The eyes can tell as well as the smiles, for at times they reveal a part of of themselves from the books that they pick. Considering that almost all my costumers were women,  I enjoyed every minute of the conversation,  falling in love with beautiful minds and at times feeling attracted to some.  The first 3 years was indeed our golden years.

The golden years ended the second week of 1993. Just 3 days after I was featured in the Life and Leisure Section of the Philippine Daily Inquirer titled, "The Masa Doesn't Only Read Comics", an isolated fire destroyed our bookstore. It lasted only 30 minutes with the fire fighters responding after only 15 minutes, partly gutting down the one storey, 30 square foot commercial stall yet completely ruining nearly 5,000 books. Only the exposed sides of the books were torched but they were all soaking wet.  Adding insult to the fire was the garbage collector's refusal to collect the damaged books since they termed them as  fire debris instead of garbage.  I was asked to pay 700 pesos to have the "debris" collected. And then came some more "vultures" - the fire investigators and the insurance adjuster, and topping the cap was the real estate tax collector who argued that since the fire broke out the 13th day of the first month of the new year, real estate tax for improvement still should be paid. 

We have to start all over again ... with 3 kids in tow, we decided to rebuild.  Now we have to pay the rent for the new store we will occupy, and hope that the 2,000 plus costumers we have before will continue patronizing us. But tha's another story.

TEARS FOR BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY

I dig Frank Sinatra. In the early 1960's the song "Fly Me to the Moon" was a big hit 'cause dating and walking at the park by the light of the silvery moon was really romantic. Women's beauty was poetically compared to the mystic moon and its goddess Diana. But that was before men landed on the moon. Since then, the moon became a symbol of pock marked faces. 

Then Rock and Roll took over with Elvis and the Beatles. Then in the 1970's came the regal rock group, the "Queen" with their hit song "The Bohemian Rhapsody".  I did not like the song then. Never did like all the yelling and bastardized opera music. I stuck to the music of the 1960's and the 1970's, appreciating a few song from the 1980's on. But things changed a bit after we watched the bio-movie of Freddie Mercury and his band.

He was a musical genius of his time and his rendition of the song "Love of My Life" can really get into you. The movie was well made and the final scene of Freddie singing "The Bohemian Rhapsody" caused me to shed some tears. His life was no different from other rock stars and celebrities who cannot handle the curse of fame. But he was one of the "lucky ones". Stricken with the AIDS virus, he was able to reconcile with the people who mattered most to him and vindicated himself by reuniting with his old band and performing to the biggest crowd ever assembled to watch a concert. Unlike the grief-stricken big names who chose the easy way out by committing suicide, he faced all the pains and found his inner peace before his demise.

Now 5 of his hits songs are on my playlist and he too has filled a slot in my idol list of stars who dealt life in their own unusual way. Sinatra, who defined his life through the song "My Way",still is my guy but not very far behind together with Muhammad Ali, Magic Johnson, George Foreman and Arthur Ashe. These guys all suffered a sudden twist of fate, Ali with Parkinson's , George Foreman with his humiliating losses to Ali and Young and early retirement from boxing, Magic's struggle with AIDS, and Arthur Ashe's cancer, but dealt with the pains and bounced back with questioning God's Divine will.

Hope everybody has the time to see this movie ...

From "The Diary of Anne Frank"  --

" In spite of everything, I still believe that people

are really good at heart. "

"I don't think of all the misery,

but of the beauty that still remains."

Anne Frank's Diary was written by a 14 year old Jewish girl, who together with her family hid in an attic for over 2 years before they were discovered and sent by the Nazis to the concentration camp. She, with her mother and an elder sister died, and was survived only by her father who found the diary inside their hiding place after the war.  Anne's father had the diary published and the book became a classic and a timeless testament to the human spirit..

Despite her tender age, she wrote with an adult's wisdom. She loved life despite the cruelties brought about by war and chose to make her life a testimony that even in its simplest element, thoughts well written with stubborn honesty could leave a mark in human history. 

 
The book contained her innermost thoughts including her romantic feelings for her beau. Since she never meant her thoughts to be open to the public, she expressed her willingness to be kissed and caressed, which the Catholic hierarchy considered obscene and recommended that the book be banned from public libraries and discourage people from reading the book. The book was listed in the "Librorum Prohibitorum", translated as prohibited books by the Catholic church.

The book became a classic, withstanding the test of time. Rarely a month pass that no customer would not inquire if we have the book in our inventory. Its always on top of the list among classic readers. I have read two versions of the book and I find the one originally published by his father that contained the photocopied pages of her diary as the more interesting read than the more widely published book entitled "The Diary of a Young Girl". The latter is easier to decipher and contained the refined sugarcoated version of the diary. The first is more authentic.

Whichever version you read however,  is enough to satisfy your curiosity why the book ranks high in the annals of classic novels. Its a different rendition of the second world war seen from a hiding place. Living in constant fear for over two years, robbing you of some of the best years of your life.

"  War does not determine who is right

-  only who is left. "

 ---- Bretrand Russel

FATHER AND SON

" Just when I am beginning to understand my father's ways, 

I have a son who thinks I'm wrong ... "

                                                                                                                                                 ---   Anonymous

" No matter what you do with your son, he will always 

try to be like his father. " 
                                                                                                                                          --  Chinese Proverb

Called up my father a couple of days ago.  He was in high spirit despite being in sickbed for over a week and he said jokingly that he was just practicing how to die. He'll be 90 years old 5 months from now and he was hoping to make his birthday a "last hurrah." Mom died about 7 years ago and no matter how hard he tried to hide it, he feel the loneliness of living in solitude.

He has accepted the inevitable, at peace with himself knowing he has a good run, and we have said our goodbyes knowing that I won't be there when he leaves. 

I never got to see my mother when she died. Denied a visitor's visa before, I won't undergo another run in with those  Canadian consuls who looks at you as a prospective TNT.  I have spent my early years doing my share of house chores and helping run my parents' business. I may have been bullheaded some of the time, but not most of the time, so at least I have earned a soft spot in my parents hearts. They have lived more than three decades of their lives in a foreign land and they have known eversince that the day will come when the phone calls would cease. Mom's memories have lived unsullied in my mind and I have so much of my dad's traits in me that death won't make much of a difference.

So as the song goes ...

The leader of the band is tired and his eyes are growing old

But his blood runs through my instrument

              and his song is in my soul ...

My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man

I'm just a living legacy to the leader of the band ...

I thank you for the music and your stories of the road

I thank you for the freedom when it came my time to go

I thank you for the kindness and the times when you got 

                                                                tough ...

And Papa I don't think I said "I love you" near enough ...

Dad was that way. He was not much into music - never even heard him voice out a song.

His means of trying to forge a bond was telling "x-rated jokes" and his escapades with women.

But he showered me with gifts when I was a kid. Took me to movies almost every week and never fail to slip a coin in my pocket before he leave home. He was not a perfect dad but his deeds were perfect examples that I imparted to my kids in return. He was just being himself most of the time - and he did his things mostly out of sight, taking the tasks of running our business when all my siblings are past asleep. I got to connect with the things he did for he would wake me up after preparing the goods we would sell the next day so I could carry on what he has started. 

That's one thing I picked up from him. I treated my kids like they were not kids.  I learned that kids prefer dad's lap than the soft sofa's cushions. I learned that kids prefer  dad's embrace than new jackets and sweaters.  I learned that they prefer listening to my stories than playing outside. I learned that they prefer my cooking than the junk foods they could buy from the variety stores. I learned that they enjoy watching television with me and their mother than playing video games. I learned that the kids value more our presence than "presents".  And most of all, my kids learned that their grandfather was my very much like their father.

NEVER TOO LATE TO LEARN

"  We will travel as far as we can but we cannot in one

lifetime see all that we would like to see or

learn all that we hunger to know. "

                                                                                                                                                     ---  Loren Eisley

King Solomon, said to be the wisest man who ever lived, knew the value of knowledge. He knew that every proverb was a product of lifetime experiences that needed to be passed on through generations so he compiled them into 3 books now known as "The Book of Proverbs", "The Song of Songs"  and  "Ecclesiastes". It is said in the Bible that he was given unsurpassed wisdom by God but later squandered it by turning away from his faith.

One good thing about getting old is that you never stop learning and you get to tackle life with a bit more sense of urgency.  Life is slowly taking away the gifts that you once have. The once good eyesight has faded a bit, the body ached and some joints has stiffened and your memory is no longer as good as it used to be. And the experience of losing some of your friends and loved ones have taught you that your clock is ticking and it may stop any time. 

" A man is too apt to forget that in this world he cannot

have everything.  A choice is all that is left to him."

I forgot who quoted the verse, but there's a grain of truth to it. Our mind is different from other people's mind, as well as our feelings, but our life is is interlinked to other people's lives. Our life touches others just as other people touches our life. The only real choice that we have is what we do the time and space given to us. We are all planters. The reap what we sow. And when we die. the people we leave behind gather fruits from the memories we planted.

King Solomon advice was for us to seek enlightenment from books. Books are products of lifetime of works and experiences. It is through books that we could talk and listen to people who lived before us. It is through books that we could travel to different places and live in different times. It is through books that we get to bridge the generations from our origin to the present and maybe give us an idea what is in store for us in the future.

There will never be an end in the pursuit of knowledge. Even in this age of computers, the machines will never be able to figure our why men shed a tear when they hurt. For thousands of years men have never even succeeded in deciphering the "real nature of women" as much as they have figured out what makes a real man. And most of all, the word "love" will remain undefined, unmeasured, beyond reason and unfathomable.

TUMAWA NAMAN TAYO # 4

Joke No. 1.  >     

               Inaresto ng mga pulis ang asawa ni Inday sa kasong pagnanakaw.

               Inday    :   Asiong, mag-text ka sa akin kapag nakakulong ka na, ha !

               Asiong  :   Inday naman ... wala akong cellphone.

              Inday      :   Sinungaling !  At saan mo dinala yong na-i-snatch mong cellphone

                                 kahapon  sa Avenida ?

Joke No. 2.  >

---------------

              Nagkita sa Escolta ang dating magkaibigan.

              Berto    :    Asiong, kumusta na ?

              Asiong  :   Eto, walang delihensya.  Mahina na kasi ang tuhod ko.

              Berto     :  Ibig mong sabihin eh retired ka na.  Bakit ano ba ang trabaho ?

              Asiong   :  Akyat-bahay, Pare.

Joke  No.  3   >

------------------

              Isang snatcher ang isino-soli sa may-ari ang cellphone na ninakaw niya :

              Snatcher  :   Ma'am, nandito ako ngayon sa harapan ng tindahan ninyo.

                                  Iiwan ko na lang sa counter ang cellphone mo, ikaw na ang bahala.

              Inday       :   Ay, naku salamat. Bakit mo naman naisipan na isauli ang cellphone                   

                                  eh hindi ko na naman na-i-report yan sa pulisya.

              Snatcher   :   Ay naku ...ang daming tumatawag sa akin at naniningil ng pautang.

                                   Ayaw naman maniwala na hindi sa akin ang cellphone ...sumasakit na 

                                   tuloy ang ulo ko.

Joke  No.  3   >

------------------

             Nanay     :   Walanghiya talaga ang asawa mo Inday.

             Inday       :   Bakit naman naman po Inay  ?

             Nanay      :   Kung hindi ba naman eh, sa isang linggo pa ako aalis pero

                                  iginayak na kaagad ang mga gamit ko.

Joke  No.  4.   >

------------------

            Nag-aaway ang mag-asawa sa labas ng bahay habang nanood ang mga kapit-bahay

            Inday     :     Walanghiya, huwag ka nang uuwi ng bahay at lalasunin kita !

            Pedro     :     Talagang hindi na ako uuwi, Maghahanap na ako magandang asawa !
                                 Pangit ... hah ...hah ...hah

            Inday      :    Di bale na ...maghanap ka ng iba .. Wala nang papatol sa'yo
                                  SUPOTTTTTT....

           Pedro      :    (Parang napahiya)  'Day naman ...walang ganyanan


Joke  No. 5

          Kapitbahay  :   Inday, 'yong asaw mong si Pedro nasa bubong at magpapakamatay daw.
                                   May hawak na kutsilyo at maglalaslas daw siya ng leeg !!

          Inday           :   Huwag kang maniwala 'ron .  Magpatuli nga natatkot na ...maglalaslas
                                  pa ng leeg ...


Joke No. 6

         Pedro       :      ( Sa anak na lalake na may dinaramdam at nakahiga sa kama )
                                 Anak, nararamdaman ko ang sakit na dinaranas mo...kung puwede nga
                                 lamang na ako na ang pumalit sa katayuan mo ay gagawin ko para
                                 lamang hindi ka mahirapan.

         Inday        :      OA ka naman masyado Pedro, eh nagpatulilang naman ang anak mo !


Joke No. 7

         Anak       :        Tatay totoo ba yong kantiyaw sa akin ng mga kapitbahay na supot ka
                                  raw ?

        Pedro       :        Oo anak pero tinanggap na naman ng nanay mo ang katotohanan.
                                 Ano lang naman yon ..kung baga sa hamburger 'yong sa akin with cheese

GOLDEN RULE FOR ACCOUNTANTS

Accounting is arguably the third noblest profession. Accountants are the lifeline of business, making sure systematically that profits are made and losses are within controllable limits. So important is their work especially in the government that the fate of the nation depends on a well managed expenditures of  budget and collection of taxes.

The medical profession is undoubtedly the first followed by teaching. Lawyers and builders argue that they should be on the third but definitely there could be no construction without first arriving at a budget. Lawyers too will argue their place but that's where they are good at - arguing. And they continue arguing their case but still money figures are far more attractive to deal with and lawyers only step in when there disputes regarding the dispensation on those figures.

In the book " J. Edgar Hoover ", the first 50 recruits to be trained as agents of the FBI (Federal Bureau of Investigation were all Certified Public Accountants.  When the President summoned Hoover for clarification, the latter reasoned out that what he really need are people with "a nose for the job, and accountants can easily figure out if something is wrong." 

The same thing in the movie, "Schindler's List", Oscar Schindler, played by actor Liam Neeson emphasized the importance of accountants in his take over of the factories owned by the Jews. It also took an accountant to bring down the almost untouchable Al Capone for tax evasion. The FBI, unable
to pin him down with a string of murder cases have to resort to digging up his tax accountability so he be sent to jail. But the best movie about accountants was Stephen King's "Shawshank Redemption". Its a story of revenge told in a strange way but highlighting the accountant's slow but sure plan to alter the course of his life after being put into prison.

However, every accountant should never forget the CPA's Golden Rule - Do not allow emotions to overcome your judgement. CPA's deal with numbers and numbers things should be. You put in your conclusions based on the numbers and figures provided for you to evaluate if the transaction records are done in abeyance with the right procedures.

Here is a short story I read from a book - a collection of short stories of Ancient Chinese Wisdom.

A  long time ago, palace accountant had a dream. He dreamed that an angel came to visit him that he was to die in a years time. He could live another 50 years if he will be able to do ten thousand good deeds within the year. It was an impossible task and he could not think of a way to accomplish the feat in such a short time.  Confused and worried of the dream, he consulted the village sage about the meaning of his dream.

The old sage advice him to go home first and heal the rift in his family before going back to the palace. The accountant had a long standing feud with his elder brother whom he thought squandered the family inheritance which the latter acted as administrator. His elder brother tried to explain how he lost the family business and their land but he was so angry he did not bother to find out what happened. Following the old man's advice. he confronted his elder brother who showed him the records of  all the transactions he entered into while he was handling the affairs of the family. Indeed records showed that he made some mistakes in judgement but he was able to account for every expenses made. With the records set right, the family was reunited and all the fingerpointing was settled.

Then the accountant came back to the palace and re-organized his record books. Realizing that he has very little time left, he reviewed the records of all the residents in the villages ruled by the emperor and made some changes. He started to consider the effects of the typhoon that ravaged certain areas in the kingdom and deducted a tenth of the taxes to be levied from the emperor's subjects. Furthermore, families who suffered loses from death of family members, sickness, and fire were also given deductions in the taxes they have to pay. He also reduced the interest rates of loans extended and proposed pensions for the elderly and disabled.

And yet, no matter how hard he tried, he could not think of any other way to earn the ten thousand merits required of him. He again consulted the old sage. The old sage told him that he has done more than enough to earn the merits required of him. The merits he earned by bridging the gaps between his family has earned him about a hundred merits. Since all his brothers and sisters reconciled, all their children, grandchildren, house-helps and farm-hands benefited.

He earned over a hundred thousand merits from the reduced taxes he proposed since all the kingdom's subjects benefited. All the people improved their lives with more food on the table, and more money to spend for their other needs.  It maybe just work for him but his job affects hundreds of thousands.

The accountant came to live for another fifty years enjoying the respect he deserved.

As the saying goes ...

" While the worriers are worrying,  while the planners are planning     and the accountants are figuring out how to keep things in               balance,  debit = credit.  "

Profits and loss are revealed by the financial records which had to be interpreted and CPAs can decipher them better than anyone else. Financial losses can be traced by verifying the veracity of the transactions through the paper trail instead of relying on hearsay testimony of parties involved. Between the two versions is the truth supported by receipts, issued checks and other bank transactions.  When you shy away from the chance to uncover the truth because of emotions and prejudgement, then you're an accountant on the job and not an accountant by heart.

THE HISTORY OF JAZZ

JAZZ  is a music genre that originated in the African-American communities of New Orleans,
United States. in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, and developed in roots of ragtime and
blues. Since the 1920's. JAZZ has been recognized as a major form of musical expression.

The  BLUES, an African-American derived music form that recognized the pain of lost love and
injustice and gave expressions to the victory of outlasting the pains of a broken heart and adversity.
It was born in the south in the 1800's evolving from hymns, worksongs and field hollers --music to
accompany spiritual, work and social functions.  BLUES  is the foundation of JAZZ as well as the source of rhythm and blues, and later on, rock and roll, and country music.

ALEXANDER'S RAGTIME BAND  ...was one particular jazz music that I remember the most.
Television was something new in the 1960's and very few families have one, so it was everybody's
dream during those times. There were only 5 TV stations to choose from and most movies shown
were Hollywood reruns from the 1940's and 1950's. And this movie was the very first one that I
watched on TV, shown in black and white, and also played on Merry Melodies Cartoons.

But what really got me into JAZZ was seeing my favorite gunslinger and Dirty Harry cop playing 
the piano instead of shooting down villains. He performed "After Hours" live at the Carnegie Hall
and blues improvisations in C on Marian McPartland's radio show. 

I do believe that music is the greatest expression of one's inner soul. Its a God-given gift that 
everyone wants to have but only a few possess. The likes of Clint are rare ...but he chose to play
for the crowd playing Dirty Harry and Western gunfighters.  Its a rarely known that he also is a 
good musician composing the musical score for some movies he directed, namely, Mystic River,
Million Dollar Baby, Flags of Our Fathers, Grace is Gone, Chageling,, J. Edgar Hoover, Hereafter,
and original composition for the movie, In Line of Fire.  

'The Speech' - Secondhand Lions (2003)

A perfect movie for people who likes to fill some voids in their life.

Its a story about a shy adolescent boy, Walter, (played by Joel Osment), who was taken
by her greedy mother to spend the summer with two hard-boiled great-uncles.  Robert
Duvall played the role of Hub while Michael Caine played the role of the other uncle, Garth,
who were rumored to stash millions in their ran-down shacks. At first the two uncles found
Walter's presence a nuisance  but later warmed up the relationship with some tall tales. The
boy on the other hand was able to revive their youthful spirits.

Have you ever experienced being thrown into a situation you do not want to
get into and with people you don't even want to know or to be with ?  Then this is
one very good movie to give  you an idea how some very bad foul-ups could turn
into something  worth fighting for. The this movie is definitely for you.

Some people never get to enjoy movies because they pay attention to the flaws and foul-ups
instead of looking at the good parts, Like books, and maybe one step better, a movie is made
to convey a message. Its more difficult to relate to the audience for there are a lot of distraction
so the message get lost somewhat unlike in a book where you could explain the mind play in
every scene. Both are good vehicles and it takes a good unbiased mind to read a good novel
and a good mind set ( the therapeutic way ) to appreciate what you are watching.

2 RTU STUDENTS RUINED MY DAY !

Last Monday was one of the blackest day in my life. It was a good day, the sun
was shining bright and I feel so light to start the week.  As I was opening the
roll-up door of my little bookshop, two psychology students from Rizal Technical
University (RTU) greeted me. They patiently waited as I opened the other roll-up
door and start to do business.

The two students were occasional customers having bought some reference books
from our store. Then came one of the most unanticipated question I have ever
heard in my many years of being called a "walking encyclopedia".  The first student
asked me how old I was, so I answered truthfully. "I'm 59 years old, one year to go
before I become a senior citizen. "

All of a sudden, the student's smile turned into one of disappointment. She said,
" Eeww ... we were looking for a 70 year old businessman we could interview for
our case study. Anyway, thanks and have a good day. " She called on her friend and
they started to walk away ... and to think they even wished me to have a good day.
I was smiling at first, but a bit later when I went to relieve myself  I couldn't help
staring at the mirror. With all the creases lined in my face, white hair and white
moustache, I do look older than my real age.

I have never been quite conscious about how I look and except for the arthritis part,
I still don't feel that old. Yet, remembering how the young student looked after
knowing that they hit the wrong target, I did felt old that day. I told my wife about
it, and adding insult to injury, she couldn't help laughing out loud. So this is how
an old man feels when somebody is making fun of his age.

I have always been positive about life. I will mark this day as a start of a new life.
I will work a bit harder in making myself fitter and not as old looking. I won't dye
my hair black, I  need the "old sage look" but I will add muscles to my frame and
follow a better diet to remedy my arthritic hands.

I remember a scene in the movie, "Grumpier Old Men". If ever I grow to be that
old, I would be just like the Burgess Meredith character but a little bit wiser.

LESSONS FROM THE MOVIE TROY

I guess the most relevant part of the movie was when Achilles, played by Brad Pitt, visited her mother, Thetis to seek her advice if he will go to wage war in the land of Troy.

Thetis responded :

" If you stay in Larissa, you will find peace. You will find a wonderful woman and you will have sons and daughters, who will have children. And they'll love you and remember your name. But when your children are dead, and their children after them, your name will be forgotten ... If you go to Troy, glory will be yours.  They will write stories about your victories in thousands of years, and the the world will remember your name. But if you go to Troy, you will never come back ... for your glory walks hand-in-hand with your doom. I shall never see you again. "

LESSONS FROM THE MOVIE : ALEXANDER (2004)

King Philip to Alexander :

" It is not easy to escape our mothers, Alexander. All your life, beware of women.
  They are far more dangerous than men. "

" A king isn't born, Alexander. He is born of steel and of sufferings. A king must know how to hurt      those he loves. Its lonely. Ask anyone. Ask Heracles. Ask any of them. It is cruel. No man or              woman can be too powerful or too beautiful without disaster befalling. They laugh when you rise
  too high. And crush everything you built with a whim. What glory they give in the end, they take
  away. They make us slaves. "


On the other hand,  this is what Queen Olympias have to say to Alexander :

" But beware most of all of those closest to you.
  They are like snakes and can be turned. "

" Fortune favor the bold ones.
  Trust the one who gives you love.
  Life has jut begun, son. Her skin is water.
  Her tongue is fire. She is your friend. Take it.
  If you hesitate, she will strike.
  They are like people. You can love them for years.
  Feed them, nurture them ... but still they can turn their back on you. "


" I am indebted to my father for living,
  but to my teacher for living well, "      -- Alexander

" True love never has a happy ending,

   because there is no ending to true love. "  -- Alexander

" Bury my body and don't build any monument.

  Keep my my hands out so the people will know the one

  who won the world had nothing in his hand when he died. "  -- Alexander

" In the end, when it's over,

  all that matters is what you've done. "  -- Alexander

GOD'S GREATEST GIFT

  
                 The Greatest Gift
             ---------------------

Wish they could see some of the things that I've seen
The miracles of life, being blessed, and the feeling
Living on the edge, almost down and counted out
Set to drown but then saved by unexpected lifeboat

Surely in darkness you feel fear, worry and misery
Unsure of what to do, or how deal with the adversity
Don't curse the darkness, light a candle, kneel and pray  
When you feel lost, have faith, God will show the way

What is God's greatest gift ? Life ? - but its a given
God created everything, we got enough time to learn
Life's meaning, what's in our heart and in our mind
The gap we could bridge, the hills we could climb

I guess I kind'a like the sunrise, what it symbolize
Its a brand new start, a total rewind, another chance, 
Even if we mess up today, God watch us as we sleep
We could do better tomorrow, for our promises to keep

As sunrise come, it shines for both the good, the bad
Yesterday we did foul, today we atone and then be glad
We could right a wrong, we could even write a new song 
New day is God's gift, always a rainbow after every storm

Never got to choose our brothers, our sisters, or our race
Even to whom and where and what life we'll get to face
Rather than wondering why, let's open our heart and mind
There are more gifts for us, within, seek and you shall find

Some are given good voices so they could sing the blues
Some have good hands to create, paint and draw pictures
While others have sharp minds to inspire and some to lead
And some have good bodies, help you shape up and be fit

Each one of us is a good in something, each had an attribute
We have to find the groove so we could add and contribute
We just have find what course to take, to travel which road
Be it rough or be it smooth, and leave a trail after every route 

It is never wrong to question, to ask God why we were born
Seek the God who created us, not the god men have adorned
We're but a piece of a puzzle, just a note within a symphony
To leave a mark, a memory, given a  role, player in history

***************        ******        *******************

" We don't change God's message ; His message changes us "

Nobody values life more than an old man  for you get to see things differently.  Memories of the past teaches you that there is no such thing as a "wasted time", "wasted love" or "lost opportunity". Even the things that you thought at first to be negative or wrong  have all been a part of you - the sum total of who you are today. The stupid things you did will make you smile while the happy memories usually bring tears in your eyes. 

You come to realize that you have been given a lot of gifts. Eyes to see the beauty of the sunrise, sense of smell to know the fragrance 
around us, ears to listen to music, sense of touch to feel the world, and sense of taste to satisfy our longings and hunger. And most of all our soul or spirit to keep us in touch of the unseen world and imagination to span unreachable horizons.

Put all this senses together and you have the undefined, unreasonable, unfathomable sensation of being in love, whether it be for someone or for what we do. All given by the God that created us, and the sense of longing and doubt about the other man made gods preached by different religions. The time we have is not enough to answer all our questions but we have enough time to let our spirit free to set out and feel how it is to surrender ourself to the kind of faith that would give us the serenity we need.

As Muhammad Ali put it - " We are all but drops of water in this great world of the universe and we will all soon join the great body of water, the ocean, as we go down. Thus the fate of every soul of men."

Einstein put it in a different way - each man is a genius in his own thing, so never judge a fish for its inability to climb a tree.

As well as Bruce Lee - " We are built differently, with different attributes. Tall and long limbed are good for distance fighting, short and stocky are good for inside fighting, the fat and bulky are built for wrestling, hone your skills according to your gifts, your attributes up to near perfection. And then when you go inside the ring, do not anticipate the outcome of the fight and just allow nature totake its own course."

Our very own Manny Pacquiao explained why aside from boxing he's trying out billard, basketball, singing, politics and even movies - there's a reason why he was given those gifts (skills in boxing) he has time, he has the chance, he believe in taking risks and taking all the shots he could make, until he could do no longer. There is no such thing as losing, only temporary setbacks, so its either you win or you learn. 

MOM'S UNFULFILLED DREAM

I  guess it was August when we spoke about 9 years ago
Said she was happy but it was time, time for her to go...
She told me about how good life was, but she was tired
8 years of dialysis, the pain, the bother, said teary eyed

Gotten use to to that kind of talk, thought it but a joke
But after a month she died in her sleep, 'twas a stroke
Dad's heart was broken but glad her pains have ended
Those trying years all  doubts and cracks were mended

Mom told me to take care of  Dad and lead a new life
Dad is so easy to love so he should find another wife
The years he spent taking care of her even in sickbed
He deserve to be happy with someone who really cared

As fate would have it,  only had one unfulfilled dream
She'll never get to see the whole family together again
But its God will each one of us have to live his own life
We've had our time, move on and forget all the strife ...

The fruits really are not meant to go back to its tree
Each one get detached, the to fulfill his own destiny
At least we've had some memories to share,  so pray
Love was never lost, time, and soon it will find its way

I feel sad, I feel detached, gotta admit life's like that
Something I learned. and something we've always had,
Dad and I are of the same mold although we're far apart ...
And there are voids to fill in some  place inside our heart 

Both short fused, easy to anger, damn too impatient
We have to keep our hands busy for time well spent
Sometimes misunderstood and seem distant, uncaring
But deep inside we care, we're that good in pretending

" BATANG HAMOG PRETENDERS"

Sino ba ang tunay na mga batang hamog ?
Sila ba 'yong mga istambay sa tabi ng kalsada ?
Nagtatawag ng Taxi, nangingikil sa mga pasahero
Naghahari-harian sa parking, akala mo'y mga hero

Kadikit ng mga tanod, runner ng mga pulisya
Tsokoran ng mga guwardiya, kahati sa delihensiya
Kung magkalat sa palibot akala mo ay nasa parang
Pag nasita ng janitor sa basura sila pa ang matapang

Kapag panahon ng eleksiyon sila ang sikat, nilalapitan
Ginagamit na halimbawa, mga simbolo  ng kahirapan
Subali't ang kinikita ay higit pa sa mga namamasukan
May yellow card, may PPP,  mga tulong ng pamahallan

Subali't sa mata ng marami sila'y mga salot sa lipunan
Kanilang kahirapan ay di totoo at mga kunwari lamang
Masdan mo cellphone ay puro Vivo, Oppo at Samsung
May pambili ng shabu at pang-sugal pagdating ng hapon

Ang Sideline nila ay magnakaw sa gabi sa mga lasenggo
Ang makatulog sa kalye limas ang wallet, alahas at relo
Bugaw ng bakla, prosti,  ikinakalakal pati ang mga bata
Na-trip ng mga Pedophile at maniac na mga matatanda

"Spotter" ng mga snatcher, at back-up ng mga hustlers
Pag may mga nanakaw o nai-snatch sila ang mga dealer
Walang pakialam sa kanilang mga anak na puro palaboy
Kahit walang namatay nanghihingi sa tao ng mga abuloy

Totoo nga at di sadyang  kasalanan ang pagiging mahirap
Na siyang sinasamantala ng mga pulitiko at mga autoridad
Sila ang "people power" sa mga rally at mga demonstrasyon
Kahati sa mga "loan", mga biyaya na kunwari ay  "donation"

Ang mga tunay na mga"batang hamog" ay ang mga palaboy
Na tanging sa "solvent" lunas sa gutom na kanilang inaamoy
Mga "stow-away", ulila at abandonado, o may topak sa ulo
Sila ang dapat na asikasuhin at tulungan ng ating gobyerno

Palaboy na taong-grasa na ating iniiwasan at pinandidirihan
Na ang kinakain ay galing sa tira-tirahan at mga basurahan
Nagbubulag-bulagan ang ating gobyerno pati ang simbahan
Hindi ba sila ang tunay na dapat tingnan at ating tulungan ?

****  An acquaintance of mine asked me to write something about the so called "Batang Hamog" sector of our society. She has devoted a great deal of her time and effort as well as her friends helping them and she requested me to write a piece of how I see them.  I really wanted to appease her but I do not want to "play" with her advocacy for although her intentions are good, I feel that she is somewhat misled by these people who makes a living by "pretending to be poor."

         Some 22 years ago I set up a little bookstore inside a commercial complex where I have to co-exist with these kind of people. Its a live and let live situation that in order to be left alone by these "street bullies" you also have to play tough and look the other way. I get to share time with them at least 12 to 14 hours a day while my store is open and at least give them the impression that I am not a guy they could mess with so they would not dare to vandalize my store when it is closed. I tried to be friendly with them at first, offering help when someone get sick or "something" but they tend to abuse your kindness. The best way to deal with them I found out later was to confront them - tell them point blank that I do not intend to interfere with their kind of business as long as they don't interfere with mine, and make them feel that messing with me would do them any good.

       On the other hand, my acquaintance only get to see them at their best "cooperating time" so I know why she feel sorry for them. But if she could only see the worse part of their days when they bully passengers for "tip" for the taxi-service they offer, as well as how they extort money for the use of parking spaces, I'm sure she'll look somewhere else to offer the kind of help she is giving. I have have seen 3 generations of these kind of people and they just seem to get worse. Seeing them act as "spotters", texting or taking pictures of prospective victims for their snatcher-cohorts, and then selling the stolen stuffs later makes me feel that Thanos was right in his thinking of creating a better society.

       I just could not have any form of compassion on people who don't care for their children. Almost all of the "batang hamog" in our area have at least "sold" or in their more subtle way, had their children adopted for some token "assistance.  There are a few who chose to sell cigarette and candies to eke out a decent living but as long as they get "easy money" from the share of the loot from the bribes that drivers of illegal terminals, habal-habal, illegal vendors, and act as "runners" for the protection rackets and other illegal activities of  people who are suppose to regulate them, they would never change.

       The real victims are the pedestrians who have to queue for rides, and pay extra if do not want to be in the long lines of riders. The Taxi-riders who have to pay to get a ride at sometimes on a negotiated fare. The market-goers who have to pay for parking and watch your car "siga-siga". The janitors who gets bullied by these people as well as the security guards who tell them to toe the line. These people get a kick of bullying other people so they could get back the feeling of their "Siga Pride" having been bullied the same by the authorities that uses them. The only language they understand is that "they cannot push people who knows how to push back."

ARAW NG KAGITINGAN ?

Araw ng kagitingan o kawalang pag-asa ?
Napasubo sa giyera, walang pagkain, walang bala
Sa unang araw pa lang iniwan na tayo ng Amerika
Kaya ang galit ni Pangulong Quezon, Simberguenza !

Ang sagot ni Roosevelt, Europa, mga Pinoy tiis muna
Lumaban kayo ng todo, kayo na ang bahala kay Homma
80 libong Pinoy at Kano laban lang sa 10 libong pwersa
Napilitang sumuko dahil sa gutom, cholera at malaria

"Death March" na naturingan ay isa lamang aksidente
Nagulat ang mga Hapon sa dami ng mga "surrenderees"
70 libong sumuko, walang pagkain, at saan ikukulong
Paano sila babantayan ng sampung libong mga hapon

Lumabas ang galit ng mga Hapon sa lahing kayumanggi
Asiano ang ating lahi, bakit dini-Diyos natin ang mga puti
Paano tayo igagalang  sa dami ng nag-traidor na kalahi
 Ang nagpahirap sa Pilipino, MAKAPILI at KALIBAPI

Tatlong taong walang Diyos, ang bayan ay binusabos
Pangakong "I shall return", tayo ay na-double cross
Nang sila'y bumalik,  Maynila ay agad nilang pinulbos
Dumagundong ang bomba, at mga Hapon ay inubos

Di pa nakakabangon, muling iniwan at pinabayaan ...
Isinubong independensiya ay isang kasinungalingan
Muling umagos ang dugo dahil sa nais na kalayaan
Mga lumaban na Hukbalahap namasaker sa Bulacan

Kano ang nag-dikta,  kahit nagkaroon ng halalan
Malayang nasunod ang kanilang mga kagustuhan
Parity Rights, base militar, pati kontrol sa kalakalan
Kano rin ang nagdikta sa isinulat nating kasaysayan

Di pa naman huli, mamulat kung ano ang katotohanan
Sadyang ang digmaan walang idinudulot na kabutihan
Galit ay iwaksi, kahit anong lahi, itim, dilaw man o puti
Wala sa kulay ang kaaway kundi ang mga ganid ang budhi

Sa "Araw ng Kagitingan" bayan huwag nating kalimutan
Minsan na tayong dinuhagi at bayan ay napaglalangan
Mga dikta sa  atin ng dati nating mananakop ay suriin
Ang kanilang mga kaaway maaari nating kaibiganin

Bayan o sarili, tanong ni Heneral Luna kay Buencamino
Dati ay Kastila, naging Amerkano, ngayon ay mga Tsino
Ating itanong sa ating mga sarili kung tayo ay Pilipino
Mag-aral ng kasaysayan para di na tayo muling maloko

2ND E-MAIL QUESTION : HOW WOULD I TELL MY PARENTS I'M GAY ?

          Different people react differently in different situation. I do believe that the process of creation has never stopped - every second a new life is born. I don't remember seeing so many gay people around, or maybe there were a lot even in our times but most of them we're afraid to reveal their true nature lest they expose themselves to ridicule. Most people don't mind but they deplore seeing the public display especially the older generation. Whereas before the LGBT issue were being discussed in whispers, now the discussions are done in the open paving a clearer understanding on how to handle the situations. In your case, I can't think of a better scenario than waiting for the right moment when nature will take its own course. Your father may not have noticed or just trying to suppress his doubts but surely your mother knows - its a fact you could never hide from someone who reared you.

          Filipinos are of a different mold. People who prides themselves of being real men like to ridicule gay people not because they don't like the LGBT crowd but morely because of their own insecurities. Men wouldn't admit it but a great deal of them too had some LGBT moments when they at  least fantasized how it is to make out with people of different genders. When the "Phallic Brain" takes over, men think of perverted sex - any kind of hole they could put their thing into. History relates of a lot of perverted sex, even bestiality. Maybe that's one of the reason why Sigmund Freud theorized that men think of sex every seven minutes on average.  Why God created the LGBT kind of thing maybe is not for earthlings to comprehend completely, but being there its a must to open our mind on how to handle it with all the knowledge and information we are provided with.

         Could you just imagine the kind of dilemma Bruce Jenner had ?  Imagine being called the "world's greatest athlete" during his generation, hailed and idolized by sports circle and adored by women.  But inside was a "boiling feeling" of wanting to get out of the machismo prison he was in, pretending to everyone his true identity even to his own family.  Our very own Rustum Padilla had the same dilemma having to contend with the "macho image" their family spearheaded in the silver screen.  I guess they are happier now with their new assumed identities. I couldn't imagine how you're feeling right now and I am not in a position to render a better advice than anyone. I have read and seen movies about the LGBT thing and sometimes it helps a lot when you see that your so-called problem is also other people's problem. I don't want to call it a problem actually but a situation - something you have to learn to live with and be at the best you can be.

          The grandeur of history would not have been so had all the artists of the past been all warrior kind of guys. The world of today would have been as colorful and eventful as they are had people were of the same nature - the so-called "freaks", "nerds", "dreamers" and "different people" made those things possible. Unhappiness results from comparing your self to other people, fear results from anticipating the consequences of things, and guilt results from thinking that what you have been doing is hurting other people. There are a lot of ways to handle these things - just keep and open mind, be with people whom you love for chances are they will love you back, and don't be afraid of getting hurt for its the mind and soul conditioning that make us feel we're alive, and most of all open your heart to love extended by people who care and faith to whoever you believe in.

 ***  ( Hope this is not the last e-mail I would get. Ask any question, even the crazy ones. I don't                    claim to be an expert but maybe you and I could figure things out. E-mail me at                                    kuyaedperea@gmail.co )

WINNING AND LOSING

"A winner is someone who recognizes his God-given talents
 Work his tail off to develop them into skill, and then relents
 The pains and tears, uses the skills to accomplish his goals"
Says Larry Bird - the Boston Celtics' cager in his starring role

"You can't get much done in life if you only work on the days
  That you feel good", NBA superstar Jerry West also says
Basketball may just be a game, but Pros doesn't only play
They inspire, they entertain, and at times they lead the way

Millions are in the game but only a handful become superstars
No pain, no gain, willing work hard and toil to earn their spurs
But lest we forget that to be at the top, and to be the number one
Hundred guys have to line up trying to outdo n' bring you down

So they say, conquer the mountain so you can see the plains
Once you reach the top, no other way to go but down the drain
One must realize that falling is as natural as rising and winning
Fame and glory are the prize, pain and misery goes with losing

When you're down, the applause and cheers will but be memories
But its not hopeless for you can still go down with pride and praises
If you were good to the people who were around you when rising
They will catch you as you fall, and they will keep on believing

Good memories keep you going, smooth the ride while you're sliding
As you fall you may never be able to rise again, and quit on playing
People will remember, and never forget the guy who took the last shot
Won the championship when there was but a second in the shot clock,

Some players too tried hard but failed, always unable to take the grind
Yet kept the plays, the moves, the strategies, stack them up in their mind
So when they leave the game they have learned a lot, then hope to find
A rag tag team with unpolished talents then to teach them how to climb

As the saying goes - he who can't do, teach -  being a loser you learn
Not everyone can be like Michael Jordan, so find another way to turn
A shattered pride ... maybe the pieces you need to build another dream
And mold unpolished talents to be better, lead, and be a winning team

Losing doesn't really make one a failure if he continues to move on
Its when you quit that failure becomes permanent, then you're done
But if ever you decide to hang on, and start all over and try to swim
You don't have to drown in sorrow, then you can teach others to win